Tim Tebow to Speak at Gay-Hating Reverend's Church

tim tebow gator.jpg

Former Florida Gator star quarterback and God's favorite football player, Tim Tebow, will be doing that thing where he talks about how Jesus is his homeboy at the First Baptist Dallas Church on April 28.

And that's cool, if you're into that sort of thing.

Problem is, the First Baptist Dallas Church is run by the Rev. Robert Jeffress, who once said that 70 percent of The Gays have AIDS and that America has been brainwashed to accept homosexuality in a simple yet devious three-step brainwashing scheme, much like the Chinese government used to do. (Sweet Tebow, we wish we were making this up. But Tim H. Tebow, we sure ain't.)

As insufferable as the whole Tebow-mania thing has been, particularly when being public about his beliefs (and in no way implementing the very same three-step technique the Chinese people and The Gays use to influence people into believing in talking snakes), Tebow has mostly stayed quiet on polarizing issues.

Tebow has spoken at large congregations many times, and most of the time his message is about being out there with one's faith and helping the poor, which is good.

But now he's entering the muddy waters of a hate-monger who seems to be openly protesting a tad too much about the homosexual "agenda."

Another wacky conspiracy theory Jefffreesss has spewed is that children have been assaulted and harmed more by The Gays than by normal missionary-only straights.

Oh, but the good Reverend's shitwords don't end with homosexuality. He's also called Islam and Mormonism "heresy from the pit of hell," says Obama's reelection is going to open the door for the Antichrist, and the Rev. doesn't care much for Jews.

He once called Mormonism a cult but then realized Mitt Romney was one, so he changed his mind.

But even if it were proven that, say, Marco Rubio was gay, he really wouldn't stop preaching about it.

Mormonism, OK fine, it's weird, but I will allow it. But my anti-gayness will never be silenced! NEVER COMPROMISE!

"It would be the height of hypocrisy to condemn homosexuality and not adultery or unbiblical divorce," he once said. "We cannot pick and choose what parts of God's word we are called to share. God gave it to us not to hurt people but to help people."

Yup. It's about time we did away with people with tattoos and people who eat pork and victims of rape (yes, victims) and those kids who were once disrespectful to their parents. We can't pick and choose, man.

By the way, you can meet Tim Tebow before he swishes off to Dallas to talk to the gayhaters about how gayness is bad and how we need to pray the gay away, much like we pray that God makes us a competent pro quarterback.

Johnny Jesus will be at the Naples Town Hall Distinguished Speaker Series on Saturday, March 9. Suggested donation for chance tickets for the drawing are $25 each. Or you can spend that money on an empty water bottle and get the same exact thing.

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5 comments
dixonline86
dixonline86

The pastor said that 70% of people who have AIDS are gay, there is a difference. Get your quotes straight.

smdrpepper
smdrpepper topcommenter

Teabow was overrated in the first place.  Now he is going to play with a hate group and kiss his career goodbye.

ScottsdaleGuy
ScottsdaleGuy

@smdrpepper Let's try and give Tim Tebow the benefit of the doubt until he actually speaks. To the best of my knowledge, Tim Tebow has NEVER said a negative, hateful, judgmental word about anyone or any group, and I seriously doubt he will be changing that. By all accounts, Tim Tebow's speaking appearances at church's around the country have been enormously well-received positive messages of love, compassion, and tolerance that have inspired and wowed those in attendance. Perhaps Tim Tebow chose this specific venue for the very reason that he felt his positive message was needed here. The world needs more positive role models like Tim Tebow. He doesn't just talk the talk...he walks the walk.

ScottsdaleGuy
ScottsdaleGuy

@ChazStevensGenius @ScottsdaleGuy @smdrpepper  

Chaz, that statement says far more about your twisted mind than it does about Tim Tebow. Tim spends enormous amounts of his personal time away from football giving back to others and the community. Shame on you for even suggesting such a thing that is not warranted in any way.

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