Marco Rubio and the Coffee Enema Couple Join Florida Tourism Board

By Kyle Swenson Fri., Feb. 15 2013 at 8:57 AM

Categories: South Florida Power Rankings

The local personalities, egos, and public figures who swung through the news cycle this week, ranked by New Times' crack research department using a highly scientific algorithm (i.e., darts, board, hangover-shaky hands.)

5. Bottled Water
We were going to put Marco Rubio up here, and on paper that makes complete sense. Dubbed "young, hip" by the Sun-Sentinel (obviously an outlet on inmate terms with both those concepts, right?), Florida's Senator got the shoulder tap to deliver the GOP response to the State of the Union. You could call him the Great Not-White Hype for the cracker-centric Republican party as it plows into the future. But then . . . the bottled water. Hard to come back from such an upstaging.

mentalfloss.com

Bottoms up.

4. Mike and Trina, the Coffee Enema Gurus
The other day we were sitting around New Times HQ, thinking deeply into the problems of the state. We all agreed the headlines here have been too tame in the last couple of weeks, that things just weren't living up to the Sunshine state standards of near-apocalypse. And then we heard about the St. Petersburg's couple who jam coffee into their asses. Nine times. A day. Marinate on that for a awhile.