Marco Rubio's Big Shining Introduction to America Upstaged by Bottle of Water

Categories: Politics
rubio water.jpg

Fresh off of voting NO for the renewal of the Violence Against Women Act, Marco Rubio hit the airwaves to introduce himself to America as the GOP shinning beacon of light that will take the White House in 2016.

This was his time to shine, to upstage the president by introducing alternative solutions to the problems his own party created.

America was about to get Charisma Boy!'d

And then, he got thirsty.

As he droned on about how Obama was being super mean to his party, Rubio began to get increasingly fidgety. As he stared at the TelePrompter with wide, glazed-over eyes, his lips began to stick to his teeth, and his tongue seemed to be growing inside his mouth.

And so, as he delivered haymakers to the president's socialist agendas and grandma-killing Medicare plans, and as he planted his flag as the future of the America, Rubio frantically lunged off camera midway through his speech to grab a quick swig of water.


Quick thinking, Rubes!

Think anyone noticed?

After the speech, Rubio quickly tried to douse the flames of his flub by tweeting out a picture of his water bottle.

HA. HA. HA. Get it? It's funny because he knew he fucked up.

Marco Rubio's water bottle is the new Clint Eastwood chair.

But don't feel too bad for Rubes.

This watergate mess is actually distracting America from all the bullshit Rubio was spewing in the first place. Maybe that's what made him so thirsty.


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Marco Rubio sounded like a nervous kid. His awkward lunge for the bottle of water was bizarre. Even more bizarre is his ideological purity and belief that abstract political theories have relevance in solving real life problems. As one commentator put it, his speech would have been right at home in a 1950s Young Republicans club. That grown-up Republicans look to him as their "savior" speaks volumes about the sorry state of that party.

Mr. Rubio leaves me seriously underwhelmed. All hat and no cattle. But people who mistook Sarah Palin and Paul Ryan for geniuses could easily fall in love with him.


I gave it the old college try to watch through Rubios lamentations.  But the lameness took over.  He has the charisma of a wet dog.  As for the content of his speech, it was more of the same "blame it on the black guy" only now with someone brown saying it. 

So in all, the republicans have found the next Mitt Romney.

chrisjoseph13 writer


/wishes upon a star

//drinks water

winsomelosesome topcommenter

For awhile my favorite 12 year old...for awhile.

You're gonna give yourself a good laugh when you re-read your shit in 20 years.

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