LeBron James Outduels Kobe Bryant as Heat Defeat Lakers 99-90

James went 17-for-25 from the field and four-for-four from the free-throw line while dishing out eight assists and grabbing seven boards on his way to a season-high 39 points. For you NBA stat dorks, that's a +13 ballgame for LeBron. For you laymen, it's the tits.

LeBron disemboweled Meta World Peace with his jumper, which gave him space to attack the basket with impunity.

James took 13 shots within five feet of the basket and made every one of them, including a half-dozen monsterdong dunks.

Contrast that with Kobe, who made just one of five shots inside ten feet.

And when Erik Spoelstra had had enough of Bryant throwing down three-pointers, he called on LeBron to guard him.

And that's when the suddenly ZOMGER KOBE'S GETTING HOT LOOK OUT!1 nonsense met a sudden and swift demise.

All the flair and magic was snuffed out, and Kobe and the entire Laker team went scoreless for the final two and a half minutes of the game.

"On the road, when things don't always go your way, you don't have your momentum, and you don't have the confidence of your home crowd, you have to just find different ways to grind," Spoelstra told reporters after the game.

But that's a load of coachspeak horseshit.

The answer is obvious: Give it to Dr. Efficiency, Cobradick, MD, Esq. (yeah, we made him a lawyer too, because fuck it), who decimates opponents with his ferocious basketball prowess, high-fives dudes sitting in the floor seats so hard their hands fall off, and takes Jack Nicholson's scrotum for his trophy case just for the fuck of it, and get the shit out of his way.

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