Broward County Name Change: Eight Options That Are Way Better

Categories: Broward News
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This week, Broward County commissioners will debate whether the county should change its name.

Comissioner Chip LaMarca is behind the idea, and bothered that no one outside of Florida has heard of Broward (unless they accidentally Google: weather in hollywood, and our Hollywood popped up).

We agree with LaMarca.

The name must change. Though his suggestion -- Lauderdale County -- puts us to sleep.

If LaMarca wants buzz, let's actually draw attention to Broward County's venerable ethos.

Here are eight better ideas:

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We'll-Take-Your-Old-People County
Come one, come all! We have golf courses aplenty, non-threatening beaches, and orange juice - oh, the orange juice. It flows, we tell you, it flows. Already, 16 percent of the county is 65 or older, Wikipedia tells us, but that middling figure belies the truth. Old people run this county with a iron fist wrought from hours contemplating the Weather Chanel and Fox News.

"Dude, Las Olas last night was tits!"
"That place is sick. Big City Tavern is chill."
"Yeah, bro-haim, I got wasted there on New Years Eve. And check it, while I was scarfing a roast beef combo at Pita Pit, I had my New Year's Eve resolution."
"What's that?"
"Fuck. More. Bitches."
"That's how we do it BroCo, Bro!"

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Remember when Miami-Dade briefly changed to Miami-Wade during the summer of free agency? I suggest a permanent change to Broward-Bosh County.


This change could benefit local tourism. However, the cost of changing building signs, park signs, stationery etc would be borne by the public. It's much easier to quantify the estimated cost than the number of additional tourists. Same old story: socialized costs for privatized profits. If the beneficiaries of this expense had to pay for it by some kind of surtax, my guess is that it would be soundly rejected. Now, if somebody could make an argument that changing our brand name would raise all of our property values, the cost could be negligible compared to the overall benefit to the County in higher tax revenues.. The problem is that its pure speculation this change would have that kind of benefit. Did Miami-Dade benefit from the change? If so how much and who were the beneficiaries? How was it calculated and is the figure reliable?That same money could be spent on homeless shelters, school busses, park improvements etc.

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