BCS Championship: Why We're Not Rooting For Either Alabama or Notre Dame Tonight

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The BCS title game is happening tonight. And there is not one single, solitary fuck we give about it. 

Because, as it turns out, the Football Gods deemed it necessary that two of South Florida's most reviled college teams should be playing for all the marbles in our own back yard. The Alabama Crimson Tide and Notre Dame Fighting Irish are playing for college football supremacy at Sun Life Stadium. All that's left is for the Gators to somehow be involved to make it a perfect bouillabaisse of football shit.

There are many reasons why we hate both the Crimson Tide and Notre Dame. 

But here are specific reasons why, instead of rooting for one team to beat the other, we're actually rooting for the earth to swallow both teams up into a dark chasm of nothingness (and their fans too):

The National Media Loves to Fap Over Notre Dame: For years and years, the national media -- led by the likes of ESPN and, of course, NBC -- have tried to cram down our faces that no other team in college football is filled with rich sacred history like Notre Dame. Look at those golden helmets! Jesus watches over their games! Rudy! Fuck Notre Dame and fuck their manufactured, unearned condescending bullshit and the media driving this dumbass narrative. The only reason Notre Dame is still relevant is because most of the country hates them for this very reason.

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A Crimson Tide Coach Once Got Fired After Being Caught With A Hooker: Mike Price was hired to be Alabama's coach in 2003. It was his dream job. But Price never got to coach a single game after he was caught with a stripper named Destiny in a Pensacola hotel room. Not only did Price pay a lady to have sex with him, but he actually let her hang around in his room while he went to play at a golf tournament the next morning. Destiny ordered a thousand dollars worth of room service while Price was away. He was found out, and then promptly fired. Herp derp.



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3 comments
winsomelosesome
winsomelosesome topcommenter

Edwin Pope once wrote about Alabama fans attending an Orange Bowl game,  "They arrive with $10 and a white shirt.......... And don't change either one."

FatHand
FatHand

I like that Chris Joseph is a NewTimes writer that actually knows and cares about South Florida sports, and doesn't still refer to Lebron James as an asshole. Other NT writers should take note.

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