Giant Sperm Whales and Other Weird Things Washed Ashore: 8-Foot Lego Men, Giant Eyeballs, and More!
|The Sperm Whale wriggles onto the beach from the deep.|
A few days ago, the carcass of a 40-foot sperm whale -- open-mouthed and oozing -- beached along Deerfield Beach's shore, and the locals got all huffy and melodramatic over the remnants of this mammoth oceanic creature.
Some local conservationists wanted to keep the whale around for scientific purposes, while mayor Peggy Noland ultimately said, wait, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? There can be no tolerance for the sperm whales! The sperm whales must be banished to -- um, Cuba?
But all this jazz over sperm whales got the wheels grindin' over here at the New Times monolith. We live in a strange land buttressed by an even stranger aquarium. Sometimes, those worlds collide. And is it awesome? It is.
Exhibit A: A Giant Lego Man
Last year, an eight-foot Lego figurine washed ashore at Siesta Beach, bearing a logo that was more lazy philosophy than Lego talk: "NO REAL THAN YOU ARE."
Thank you, Mr. Giant Lego Man. We'll keep your existential musings in mind.
But this one got stranger. The artist behind the Lego was some guy named Ego Leonard, who, when contacted by reporters, spoke as though he was the Lego.
"I am glad I crossed over," he told the Sarasota Herald-Tribune. "Although it was a hell of a [swim]. Nice weather here and friendly people. I think I am gonna stay here for a while."
Later, according to his Twitter feed, bandits took off with six of his Lego drawings -- which, judging from Ego's artistic acumen, were undoubtedly worth MILLIONS.
Exhibit B: A Giant F**King Eyeball
Last October, a coconut-sized glassy eyeball rolled onto Florida shores, and the story just about reinvented the internet. After days of salacious rumor and intrigue, the state -- THANK GOD -- entered the fracas to have its say. DNA tests were ordered up and CSI Miami nearly called.
It was finally determined that some angler deep in the ocean had sliced the ocular organ from a giant swordfish and thrown it overboard in a moment of bizarre fisherman rage.