Three Men Arrested for Stealing Obama Signs, Yelling Racial Slurs, According to FHP

Categories: WTFlorida
obama sign theives.jpg

Three Orlando men were none-too-thrilled that Barack Obama won reelection as Black President last week, so they decided to drink their sorrows away, then also go drive through a mostly black neighborhood stealing Obama campaign signs while yelling out racial slurs at people, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.

Because, MURICA!

The three drove around Holden-Parramore in Orlando in a pickup truck (because, of course!) and stole campaign signs as well as stop signs, a Lee Avenue and Citrus Street sign, a daycare loading-zone sign, a bus stop sign, and a mailbox. Because Obama's gonna take our guns, so we best remove street signs so he doesn't find us. Also, in case he decides to take the bus.

The trio were stopped by cops and nailed for DUI. For their part, the trio went with the We found these random street signs and a mailbox on the ground and were totally gonna do our good deed of the day and take 'em to you guys bit.

It was a good plan. But the cops were on to them.

The pickup's driver, Jacob Kupp, 23, was booked for DUI. David Hatmaker, 23, and Austin Bowen, 22, both of Orlando, were also taken in at about 1:30 a.m. Wednesday morning.

In the saddest confession ever, Krupp confessed to the crime.

"We were bringing them back," Krupp told the trooper. "Bringing them back to the police station, I mean, we were drinking."

It was Hatmaker who eventually confessed that the three of them were mad about Obama winning reelection and went on their street sign nabbing spree. Also, a mailbox.

Kupp was charged with DUI and grand theft after a breath machine. His breath measured his blood-alcohol level at .202 -- 2.5 times the legal limit.

Hatmaker and Bowen, were also taken in with grand-theft charges.

According to the report, the three were yelling racial slurs at pedestrians as they drove by with the campaign sings, and street signs. Also, a mailbox.

Removing street signs is taken pretty seriously in Florida, after an incident in 1997 where signs were stolen and three teens were killed when a truck smashed into their car. The perps from that case were sentenced to 15 years in prison.

The three were drinking at the Stagger Inn on election night where they watched the results come in and then eventually decided they needed to stand up to the oppression of a democratically elected president by driving around town being racist assholes and stealing Obama campaign signs and random street signs. Also, a mailbox.






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2 comments
smdrpepper
smdrpepper

Damn the right wing just really needs a better class of minion.

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