Miami Marlins Have Traded Everyone: Jose Reyes, Mark Buehrle, Emilio Bonafacio, and Maybe More

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After swindling the entire city of Miami, then building their tax-laden $560 million stadium and promising everyone they were going "all in," the Miami Marlins have decided to gut their roster and trade away ace pitcher Josh Johnson, Mark Buehrle, Jose Reyes, John Buck, and Emilio Bonifacio to the Toronto Blue Jays.

There are rumors that pitcher Ricky Nolasco will also be traded.

In return, the Marlins are getting a handful of prospects and the confirmation that team owner Jeffrey Loria is a giant penis-headed dipshit.

The deal is pending league approval, but since Bud Selig doesn't really do anything, there's no doubt it will go through.

The winner in all of this is, of course, Loria, who walks away with a fat wallet, leaving fans wallowing in sadness and confusion while he uses their money to buy himself another $100 million painting for his shit collection.

Give credit to Loria, though. He managed to lie to an entire city, fooled people into thinking his team was bankrupt -- even when files were published showing otherwise! And he got the tax funding to build his stadium.

He then signed a bunch of players and now, not even a year later, is sending them packing along with their best pitcher.

Takes balls to be that kind of a walking asshole. Ballsass, if you will.

Meanwhile, the Marlins' best player chimed in on Twitter:

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Marlins fans better not hold on to any hope whatsoever that Stanton will be sticking around.

Not worth the pain.

Well done, Mr. Loria. Ballsass.

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frankd4 topcommenter

i would blame the disfunctional government of miami that allows its constituents to be bamboozled so a few commissioners no doubt can get kick-backs on projects of this magnitude - did you know the olde miami arena was vacated LONG before its debt was retired ? do you know who picked-up the tab ? did you know how these deals relate directly to why second grade teachers are laid-off or underpaid ? STAY STUPID my friends, and next thing you know there will be another commission vote approving airport expansion for the cruise lines to create the J O B S the new ballpark was supposed to have created - and the people of HIALEAH are still waiting for resident parking decals to prevent them from incurring violations and tickets and towing to park in their own home streets - thats how a few crooks can use government to rip-off the people who rely on elected leaders to protect them only to have those leaders sell them out

winsomelosesome topcommenter

He's a complete jerk! And he surrounds himself with jerks.  Sampson being one.


How can Loria be allowed to own a major league franchise? I have never been so pissed about baseball. It was my favorite sport my whole life and five short years after moving to Florida and becoming a Marlins fan I can't even think about it without feeling disgusted. Way to go Loria for ruining baseball.

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