Marco Rubio Won the 2012 Election, Apparently

Categories: Politics
RUBES 2012.jpg

Barack Obama won both the electoral votes and the popular vote (and he did it without Florida, which is looking like it will go to him anyway!)

Despite those things that reelected our president and will have him serve a second term, the real winner of the 2012 election was Marco Rubio. This according to famous conservative columnist/lover of baseball writings/owner of horrible toupee George Will.

As ABC News officially projected Obama the winner of the election Tuesday evening, Will quickly looked to find some silver lining, not just on the Mittbot's defeat but also in trying to scrub away the memory that just a few days ago, he declared that Willard Romney would win this sucker in a 321 electoral vote landslide.

Holy assballs, George. That's some prediction.

GOPers are adorable when they lose.

But back to the real winner of the election.

As the ABC panel began to discuss Tuesday night's outcome, Will quickly pointed out that Rubio will broaden the demographic appeal because he's Hispanic and charismatic and other stuff too.

"If there's a winner tonight, it's the senator from Florida, Marco Rubio. Because all eyes are now going to be turned to him as a man who might have a way to broaden the demographic appeal of this party."

It's true! A party made up of mostly white, rich, entitled, privileged racists actually lost a minority vote in a big way.

Obama got about 71 percent of the Hispanic vote on Tuesday, and a poll by America's Voices Education Fund has Obama's Hispanic support around 58 percent in Florida. And it's looking like the president may have captured the majority of the Cuban vote, which has never been done by a Democrat.

But no worries, GOPZ. Charisma Boy! will save you!

Even though, outside of Florida, Hispanics have never heard of him ("Quien es este Chareeezma Boey??"). And even though he's had a shit time trying to sell the GOPer brand to Hispanics through inaction and towing the GOPer line.

The Conservapoops know they have a Latino problem (and we're not just talking about the help). And they also realize they got their asses handed to them -- twice -- by a black man with charisma. Hell, Rubio knows that.

So the solution is obviously to start grooming Charisma Boy! for 2016 because, hey look, he's totally Hispanic and shit, bro.

Of course, on the inside, he's a small-minded, bullshitting Conservatard like the rest of them.

But, hey, we totally congratulate Rubes on winning the 2012 election!

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
dantevida topcommenter

Ya, maybe by 2016 everyone will have forgotten pants-on-fire marco's likeness and close association to  roommate and fellow foreclosure buddy- criminal Rivera.


Yes once the Latinos hear in Spanish how much the GOP HATES THEIR GUTS, their problem will be solved.


The GOP are under some crazy delusion that all they have to do is explain in Spanish how they want to destroy Medicare and everything is good. These people will never ever learn. Really.

KennyPowersII topcommenter

Marco might be irrelevant in 2016.


Marco Rubio is a younger less refined hispanic version of Mitt Romney. They both have in common the rude materialistic greedy approach in life that is often times confused with "The American Way", typical of modern day MBA's with an ATM in their brains and a wallet on their hearts. nothing more distant from the truth of what America is all about. Let's please remember who were the original habitants of these lands, we the native americans from the north of the south of this beautiful continent, our social systems had more in common with socialism that with the corrupt and sickened system that rules the world from the financial offices the NY and London, we shared the land and lived in harmony with nature, and this is in our DNA. 

Now, with the evidence that (they) are no longer relevant, in this new history been written from election day on, (they) as the zombie entity that posted the first comment on your column are destined to be forgotten and lay covered by dust and spider webs in a corner office of Fox news. (They) are the past, and how it is said south of the Rio Grande, going back...never, not even to take impulse.

Marco Rubio not only does not appeals to me, but I despise him for trying to represent my people. They are so many talented, brilliant, loving, fun, human, latinos in this Country that Mr. Rubio won't be remembered in five years, other than as the Self centered,egotistic speaker that used the Republican convention to pour venom and hatred out of his mouth, not remembering what our "abuelas" use to tell us, that is for the words of your mouth that your heart pours out.




The only thing I take from your ridiculous blog post here is that you love to hear yourself talk.  I'm assuming its about 3-4 hours a day that you talk to yourself in the mirror for your own self-admiration? You just keep doing that, buddy.  And get back to me in 4 years after another Obama administration to let me know how happy you are that he was ignorantly re-elected.


@YouHaveEnlightenedMe Oh....bless your ignorant little heart.

riverrat69 topcommenter


 This isn't the Obama thread, but......


Yes, Mitt now that  you're gone and from this moment on I'll be crying, crying, crying, crying Yeah, crying, crying over you....



Four more years of teabag tears.

Now Trending

Miami Concert Tickets

From the Vault