Marco Rubio Is Not Sure How Old the Earth Is

Categories: Politics
Marco Rubio ponders.jpg

Earlier today we talked about how Marco Rubio is gonna charisma his way to the top of the presidential charts in 2016.

As part of the whole getting himself into the psyches of sad Republicans, Rubes sat down with GQ for an interview.

In the Q&A, Rubio was asked how old he thinks the Earth is. His answer: "I'm not a scientist, man."

Ha. Ha. Good one, senator! Who is a scientist, really, when you think about it?

Also, please answer the damned question.

He did:

"At the end of the day, I think there are multiple theories out there on how the universe was created and I think this is a country where people should have the opportunity to teach them all."

Hmmm. Multiple theories, you say? And they all should be taught? Go on...

"I think parents should be able to teach their kids what their faith says, what science says."
He also added:
"Whether the Earth was created in 7 days, or 7 actual eras, I'm not sure we'll ever be able to answer that. It's one of the great mysteries."

I can't tell you the answer to the Earth's age because the Bible is confoosing. It's a wonderful mystery, you see.

The Bible says the Earth was created by God in seven days. But, because it was written thousands of years ago, the word "days" got translated a bunch of times, and now we're really not sure if the Bible people meant actual days or eras or hours or if maybe they were just messing with everybody's head.

Rubio cleverly tried to navigate his way out of a dicey subject that really shouldn't be all that dicey because of facts and evidence and science and shit:

"I can tell you what recorded history says, I can tell you what the Bible says, but I think that's a dispute amongst theologians and I think it has nothing to do with the gross domestic product or economic growth of the United States. I think the age of the universe has zero to do with how our economy is going to grow."

Nice try, GQ reporter! But you're not going to distract ole Rubes with a question that is based on reality and science and needs to be answered by a rising Republican politician because a huge number of his potential supporters actually believe the Earth isn't 4 billion years old and that dinosaurs either didn't exist, or they did but cavemen used them for getting around like a bus. 

Rubio was also asked who is best friend is.

His answer: Republican South Carolina Sen. Jim DeMint:

"He's a great source of wisdom as a person who's had to make decisions that have made him unpopular in his own party."

DeMint once said that children should be taught creationism in schools.

DeMint also called America "God's vineyard."

A wise man indeed.

We're not sure which is more alarming: a senator who thinks America is Jesusland or people who put that senator in power.

For Rubio to weasel his way out of a simple question with an it's all a big mystery, bro is both pretty sad and pretty smart.

It speaks volumes about our vineyard.

Turns out Rubes isn't a scientist. He's just a deep thinker, man. Also, he's a Pandering McPanderpants.

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So I have a question for the author and all who commented here that somehow there's something wrong with Rubio because he, and I am quoting the headline now "not sure how old the Earth is".  Are any of YOU SURE how old the Earth is? Or are you just accepting either the best scientific GUESSES, or the doctrine of some church?  Either way, NOBODY is SURE how old the Earth is.  Yes, we can try to make some guesses based on ASSUMPTIONS that can't necessarily be proven. But we are still NOT SURE how old the Earth is. NOBODY IS SURE!  So, why should Rubio be different?  The bottom line is this is just another attempt by the liberal/left media to try and take down a conservative based on a personal attack.  Would knowing how old the Earth is help solve our economic crisis? No.  Would it help us find out what really went on at the White House while Americans were being murdered in Benghazi? No.  It's all cover, distractions and deflections to protect their Dear Leader. 

KennyPowersII topcommenter

Must be that poster he owns that shows Castro riding on the back of a dinosaur.


name makes no sense. you can't be that smart.


Unfrozen Caveman Senator. "Your world frightens and confuses me."

frankd4 topcommenter

well it looks like we have another sarah palin on our hands here and after failin palin's run in with katie curic you think prime-time players like rubio would be ready for any eventualities

poor marco, could get the dates right about his own peoples exodus from cuba and now that big bang ! you heard was the question on the beginning of time dropping him cold - a TKO

AND NOW you see why FLORIDA is a laughingstock, pardon me an IRrelevant laughingstock


Say hello to your next republican candidate.  Yes, he is a shade darker than the last one, but he is twice as stupid.

winsomelosesome topcommenter

Oh boy. I can see who's going to replace Allen West in your "who are we gonna shit on this day/week" blogs.  The guy makes one speech, does one interview on the radio and radar Chris has homed in on him like a heat seeking missle. You know, the one we didn't use in Benghazi? Doesn't matter that it's 4 Frickin years away.  Don't have any idea what dingbat the Demos are going to put up but that doesn't matter either.  Any spend my ass off is better than "Chrisma Boy."  Right?

kplo moderator communitymanager

So it's kind of like magnets.


Two words ... carbon dating...  Try about 4 Billion years.


Reminds me of GWB's bat-fuck-shit insane comment, "the whole jury is still out on the evolution" thing. Yeah, which jury is that?  And from what time period?


The religious fucks, throughout the years, have played this same stupid fucking game.


Well, it wasn't written in the bible (a tome developed by a bunch of nitwits, living in the bronze age, who couldn't figure out how to walk out of a desert), then it must not be true.


Take sometime out and read about Giordano Bruno.


A sorry SOB who had the audacity to suggest the Sun was essentially a star, and moreover, that the universe contained an infinite number of inhabited worlds populated by other intelligent beings.


Dumb fucker...  For that, he was burned at the stake.


So the next time you hear Rubio, or any other religious nutcake, suggest "the jury is still out," do them, do you, and do I a favor -- kick them right in the nut sack.

fire.ant topcommenter

Freedom of stupid!


@tjdavid21444 Actually yes, science has figured out the age of the Earth within a few million years.  Its 4.54 billion years old.

riverrat69 topcommenter


Asshole Allen already got replaced. The only one Marco has a chance of replacing is the Qwitta from Wassilla.


@smdrpepper @tjdavid21444 Again, that would be "science" based on "assumptions" that conveniently are neither provable nor refutable. This would be the same "science" that purports to be able to tell what color dinosaurs were, how fast they could run, and other assumptions, working only from bones. I'm not advocating any theory about how or how long ago the Earth, or the universe, was created. I just have a problem with people making a judgement call about someone's fitness for office based on how old he thinks the Earth is.  It's just distraction from the real issues, and that's the usual method of operation for our media, which has degraded itself and become the Ministry of Propaganda for a failed socialist radical president.

winsomelosesome topcommenter

Dispariging a Native Son like that.  You should be ashamed. 

Nah, ain't happening.  You're hanging with the Pelosi/Wasserman-Shultz crowd.  There's a distinguishd group. 

Do you think Chris Matthews can really eat a banana whole...sideways?

Think I'll vote in Ed Shultz's next call in poll, so the results can be 99.999% to .001.  Usually questions like, "Do you think the Republican Party is the cause of all evil in the world?"


@tjdavid21444 There are no assumptions.  We know how old the planet is thanks to various radiometric dating techniques.  That is a very proven science.

As for the President, he is VERY far from a socialist or a radical.  He is actually more in line with your hero, Ronald Reagan. 

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