Republicans and Their Love Children (I Can Has Contraceptive?)

Categories: Politics


Bristol Palin

We have this scenario to blame for the vexing quasi-fame of Levi Johnson, the father of this love child.

Here's what went down: Levi knocked up Bristol, who's mom suddenly became the Republican vice-presidential nominee, then proposed to Bristol, then broke off said engagement, then publicly apologized to the Palins, then capitulated on that apology, then wrote a traumatically bad book, Deer in the Headlights, then failed to get into modeling, then announced his candidacy for mayor of Wasilla, then was told to put on a shirt and graduate high school. He did neither.

Runs for governor, announces love child, loses race, completes grand love-child narrative.

Carl Paladino

In 2010, this Republican from Buffalo thought he was going to be the next governor of New York. Hahahaha. Instead, and only it seems for political ambition, he announced right before he began his bid for Albany that he had a 10-year-old love child.

Only after one his adult children died in a car accident did he tell his wife of 40 years. What. A. Guy.

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