Florida Residents Who Petitioned to Secede From the U.S. Don't Even Live In Florida

Categories: Floriderp

A few weeks ago, we told you about a group of Floridans fed up with all that government interference (like roads and hospitals and police and stuff) and put together a petition on the White House's website to allow the state to "peacefully" secede from the United States LEST OBAMA INVITE THE WRATH OF PEOPLE SAYING MEAN THINGS ABOUT HIM ON THE INTERNET.

See also:
-Florida Residents Petition White House to Secede From United States

The petition ballooned to nearly 35,000 signatures. But in an interesting update, it appears that a lot of those signatures are from people who don't even live in Florida.

The petition records signers' first name and last initial, as well as their place of residency. And a good number of them folks fed up with Obama's uppity attitude toward giving poor people health care don't even live in Florida.

Maybe these people are waiting for the secession to be official before they move to Florida?

Or maybe it's just a shitload of folks who would love for the Sunshine State to finally go away already.

Yeah, we're going to go with that answer.

Either way, the White House promised to review and respond to every We the People petition that has reached 25,000 signatures by early December (Florida could be gone in just a week or two? HOTDOG!).

But where will you seceders turn for stories about ladies beating up their boyfriends because they failed to sexually satisfy them once Florida is gone? Ohio? Pfft. Well, yeah, sure, if you like those kind of stories with some sexy white trash sprinkled in. Ha. Ha. Just kidding, Ohio. There's no such thing as sexy white trash.

Anyway, the petition seems to have caught the attention of Rick Scott.

"Gov. Scott still believes in the American Dream, and that Florida will continue to create jobs and opportunities for the families of our state as one of the fastest growing economies in America," Scott spokeswoman Jackie Schutz said in a statement.

For its part, the White House declined to comment on the petition. Probably because it's so stupid. Also, because it's got other things to kinda worry about at the moment. But mostly, because it's so stupid.

My Voice Nation Help
KennyPowersII topcommenter

""Gov. Scott still believes in the American Dream, and that Florida willcontinue to create jobs and opportunities for the families of our stateas one of the fastest growing economies in America," Scott spokeswomanJackie Schutz said in a statement.

Ripley wouldn't believe that. 

smdrpepper topcommenter

Its that party of Lipton striking again, trying to spread their crazy just a bit farther.  They do not care about such things as BORDERS, even though they say they are all about states rights.  They just dont care about the people that have to LIVE in those states.

Seriously, these people need to get healthcare, just so they can afford their prozac.  I hear it goes well with the oxys they are on already.

winsomelosesome topcommenter

And the #1 reason to leave South Florida............CHAZSTEVENSGENIUS


I like the idea of South Florida and North Florida -- I've already got a state motto for North Florida...  

"North Florida.  We're Alabama without the glitz."


@byChrisJoseph Thank you for our daily dose of Flori-DUH!

winsomelosesome topcommenter

Humph.  Must have gotten the signatures from Florida's voter registration books.

"Also, because it's got other things to kinda worry about at the moment"

Yea, like totally fucking up the economy.


@AnnieAreYouOhK @byChrisJoseph You know we're a part of that Flori-DUH -- SIXTAAAAYYYY!

winsomelosesome topcommenter

I'm waiting for all you pinko, commie, left wing, tree huggers to get the hell out. It won't be that long.  Under Obamanomics there won't be any work.  But that means more time for blogging.  Right?



@ipeneIope I wish someone would make a gif of SIXTAAAAAAAY and @byChrisJoseph would add it at the end of Flori-DUH articles.

winsomelosesome topcommenter

I guess if I were cruel I would laugh at you.  You're the one who's going to the poor house under Obraindead.  Have fun financing his social agenda with less take home pay when your withholding goes up.  He doesn't have enough $ to pay for his bullshit with just the rich.  Soon, verry soon, he will be coming aftre YOU.  But, what the hell, unemployement benefits will probably go on for 3 years by this time next year so, that's  not so bad, right?

riverrat69 topcommenter

@winsomelosesome You can continue to laugh at yourself, frightwingnut loser. Asshole Allen and the Mittwit bit the dust. Four more years of teabag tears.


@AnnieAreYouOhK @byChrisJoseph that gif would be my avatar FOREVER! Wha-What!

Now Trending

Miami Concert Tickets

From the Vault