Five Future Career Options Allen West Should Consider

Categories: Wild, Wild West
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Allen West isn't giving up without a fight. Even though the incumbent Commie hunter lost by 0.8 percent to Patrick Murphy, he's demanding a recount. 

A West Palm Beach court is slated to hear West's case for an injunction today at noon. But his energy will surely be better spent polishing the old résumé and crafting clever cover letters to catch the eyes of future employers. 

Here are five potential career opportunities South Florida's greatest patriot ought to consider.

5. Romance Novelist: Move over, E.L. James. There's a new smut peddler teeming with lascivious ambition who's not afraid to make provocative demands. "I cannot wait to have the tightness of your butt surround my penis as I slide in," West wrote in a letter to his wife, Angela. West already lives in a fantasy land, so penning a series of books based on the sexual exploits of a depraved Commie shouldn't be much of a challenge. 

4. Terry Jones' Flack: Pastor Terry Jones knows how to spark a controversy. Whether he's promoting a Qur'an-burning get-together or hanging an effigy of President Obama, the guy pisses people off like no other. But he's not the most elegant spokesman and could use some good flack. Well, Allen West has repeatedly expressed his disdain for Muslims and seems perfectly suited to defend the rambling hatred of Jones. Plus, West has tons of media connections. It's a tag team of insanity that only the Sunshine State could produce. 

3. Scuba Diving Guide: West is as comfortable in a wetsuit as he is in fatigues. He's familiar with local dive sites and is scuba-certified. But most important, he's willing to break federal law and dive with an American flag just to make the experience memorable. 

2. Social Media Maven: West is a force to be reckoned with on Facebook and Twitter. He was named the most engaging Twitter user in Congress earlier this year and has more than 178,000 Facebook followers. Any company would be happy to have that kind of digital weight. It should be mentioned that West might very well be a troll. 

1. Fox News Correspondent: No application needed, Mr. West. Your experience speaks for itself. HIRED!



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9 comments
texmaster
texmaster

Hey Mr West why not use your "Higher than Obama" Security clearance to get to the bottom of this?

 

West is showing a complete lack of class....

 

Imagine my surprise.

rm9511loginb
rm9511loginb

1.) Paid Fox News shill

2.) Paid right wing talk radio shill

3.) Paid Fox News shill

4.) Paid Fox News shill

5.) Paid right wing talk radio shill

KennyPowersII
KennyPowersII topcommenter

#6 Corporate Interrogation specialist.

smdrpepper
smdrpepper topcommenter

Whatever he does, I am glad that criminal is gone.  His fifteen minutes are up and will soon only be a footnote in a history book.  Maybe not even that since he did nothing the entire time he was in the House but foster conspiracy theories. 

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

rich279
rich279

What about speaker of the House?  You don't have to be a member.

winsomelosesome
winsomelosesome topcommenter

15 yard penalty for piling on, Sweeney.  It's over, you won.  Stop sniffing the victory glue and write about things that matter.

KennyPowersII
KennyPowersII topcommenter

 @smdrpepper I still haven't come up with one accomplishment he accomplished that served his constituency well during his term. He basically seemed to take up space and time while collecting a paycheck. Can we have our 2 years back. Good to know that a congressman needs 5 years to qualify for a pension.

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