Andrew Luck Crushes Dolphins Defense, Colts Win 23-20

Luck Dolphins.jpg
Remember all the hoopla surrounding the "Suck For Luck" campaign last year?

Yea, there was a reason for that.

The Colts' Andrew Luck decimated the Dolphins defense, leading Indianapolis to the 23-20 victory over Miami on Sunday.

Luck went 30-of-48, and set a rookie record by surgically removing the Dolphins' pass defense's testicles to the tune of 433 yards passing. He also threw two touchdowns, and converted 16 third downs in 19 tries.

Our quarterback ain't no slouch himself, however. It's just that, he played behind an offensive line that can only be described as COCKMITTENS.

Playing with a banged up leg, Ryan Tannehill showed that he too has balls of titanium and did what he could behind a shit performance from his cockmittens o-line. Tannehill finished the day 22-of-38 for 290 yards and a touchdown.

He started the afternoon his usual efficient self. But then Tannehill's day got progressively worse.

The Colts pass rushers were like a grizzly bear batting around a baby squirrel with Tannehill. And, eventually, his accuracy was dicked and ruined. Mainly because anyone who's gotten his ass dented sideways all day long is going to eventually start throwing the football eight feet over wide open receiver's heads.

Tannehill was good.

But Luck was better.

As Colts receiver Reggie Wayne said, "Did you see those two playing like they were trying to top each other? That was something special to watch play out."

"Of course, I think we got the real special one," he added with a laugh.


For his part, Luck showed by he was deserving of the first overall pick, and why Dolphins fans rooted for Miami to tank their season last year rather than win a couple of meaningless November games that had zero baring on the playoffs so that this team can finally crawl out of the crack of mediocrity's ass.

Leading up to this week, after wins against such daunting blow-your-ass-off offenses like the Oakland Raiders, New York Jets, St. Louis Rams and Arizona Cardinals, the media branded the Dolphins as one of the best secondaries in the league. SOME EVEN CALLED SEAN SMITH A SHUTDOWN CORNER!

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@byChrisJoseph also, cockmittens.


@byChrisJoseph referring to Sean Smith as simply "shutdown" is incredible. Good recap as always.


@JoshAppel And a cockmittens to you, sir! ::tips cap::

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