Miami Dolphins 2012 Season Preview: Innovators of Suck
So tell us about Ryan Tannehill.
The Dolphins selected Tannehill with the eighth-overall pick in this year's draft, which is the first time they've taken a QB in the first round since Dan Marino.
Is he any good?
He has promise. Unfortunately, it's going to be hard to tell how much promise he has, because his offensive line is terrible and his wide receivers are atrocious.
But do you think he's finally the franchise quarterback we've all been waiting for?
Yes! No! Maybe! There really is no way of telling. But there's hope. Also, people think his wife is pretty hot. So there's that.
So why are so many Dolphins fans enthusiastic about this year if the team sucks so bad?
Because they're blinded by their allegiance. They think being critical of your team makes you a shitty fan.
But they have to have some kind of tangible reason.
If you count winning meaningless games at the end of the season against subpar teams, then yes. That's tangible.
They won games last year?
Yes. And people got excited. And they finished 6-10. And they missed out on drafting Andrew Luck with the first pick.
I'm going to throw up in my pants.
Go right on ahead. I'll wait.
Why didn't we get Peyton Manning then?
Because our owner fucks everything up. And besides, who would want to play for this shit franchise?
But we could have sold him on building around him! He has a home in Miami!
When Manning came to visit that home during the offseason, he was swarmed by news helicopters and people wondering if he was interested in coming to Miami. It was pretty embarrassing. Also, why would he come here when Ireland traded away Brandon Marshall and then failed to address the need in the draft and free agency?