Clint Eastwood Talking to a Chair Is the Most Old-Person Thing to Ever Happen in Florida

Categories: Broward News
eastwood chair.jpg

There was a lot speculation on who the big supersecret "surprise" speaker at the RNC would be.

Would it be Sarah Palin?

Tim Tebow?

A hologram of Ronald Reagan?

Perhaps a James Polk puppet?

WRONG.

Because, as it turns out, the big secret surprise guest that got all the GOPers in a tizzy was a chair.

Oh, and Clint Eastwood.

But, mostly, a chair.

Eastwood was brought in to show how the GOP and the RNC can flex their muscles. This was Dirty Harry, for shitsake. The Man With No Name. The Guy Who Fist-Fought With an Orangutang. LET'S FUCKING DO THIS, REPUBLICANS. WE BUILT THIS.

But Eastwood's speech quickly devolved into equal parts weird, sad, bizarre and WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING? sprinkled in with some old-man grizzle.

Clint's big plan: To improvise a conversation with an invisible Barack Obama sitting in a chair. Like Elijah! Or... something.

It's one thing to treat the RNC like an improvisational class at your community college. It's another to creep the shit out of all of America. Yet here he was. 

The man of the hour. 

Hollywood icon. 

Talking to an empty chair. 

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It's crazy to think that a guy like Eastwood, who was so fucking cool because he said few words and then shot dudes in the face with a badass sneer, has now suddenly become a punch line for talking TO A GODDAMNED CHAIR.

I mean, look at this one nutty moment (and there are so many!) from the speech: "You're crazy, you're absolutely crazy. You're getting as bad as Biden. Of course we all know Biden is the intellect of the Democratic Party. Kind of a grin with a body behind it."

A grin with a body behind it? The fuck is that? As opposed to a grin with a foot behind it? Or a grin with a tire iron behind it? Any random shit that makes zero sense, basically. Yet, the empty chair with the invisible president is crazy.

Even Romney's aides were wincing backstage at all the nuttery.

Our old pal Rich Abdil has a great recap of the whole speech here.

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The good news in all this is that Eastwood's speech launched memes and twitter feeds and jokes that will last a very long time because the internet is awesome.

There's "Eastwooding," which is just people tweeting pictures of themselves or others beside an empty chair.

There's a Twitter feed called Empty Chair

And a hilarious one called Invisible Obama.

Oh, internet. Don't ever change. 

So, to recap: The image of a beloved Hollywood icon tough guy as an old man bitching to a chair about unemployment is not the way to swing the votes your way. 

Or perhaps the whole thing is a secret genius GOP plot to win over the senior citizens of Florida...

"I yell at my lamp all the time!" an old lady probably said. "I'm voting Romney!"


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15 comments
Mariooch
Mariooch

The true empty chair is in the oval office because the one who is supposed to be sitting in it spends the majority of his time campaigning for the next 4 years.  He does not seem to realize that if he had kept the promises that he (not anyone else) made winning re-election would have been a breeze!

 

So, while the chair may be occupied now, it won't be for long!  There will be a new sheriff in town and Mitt Romney will be his name!!!

bcconfidential
bcconfidential

Clint Eastwood is the man.  He can say whatever he wants to say...agree or disagree with his performance, he made my day.

wally.kalbacken
wally.kalbacken

Worked for me. Obama/Biden 2012 is toast. Say bye to Bill Nelson, as well.

uziman
uziman

You're scared; you're very scared.

smdrpepper
smdrpepper

Oh Clint, I think you just had your billion dollar baby moment.  Its time to cue up the pillow. 

soflawordsmith
soflawordsmith

The RNC would have done better if they'd gotten Herman Cain to  come out and wiggle his famous dick for 5 minutes ...

Robert Siciliano
Robert Siciliano

I wonder if he still can hold his 44 magnum without falling down!!!!

my2cents
my2cents

 @Mariooch yep, Romney's head is just as empty as that chair too.....

smdrpepper
smdrpepper

 @uziman Yes, I am terrified..that republicans are going to start using those homeless guys that randomly yell incoherent phrases at random objects as poll workers.

smdrpepper
smdrpepper

 @soflawordsmith Well Cain did show up on the Daily Show and put his foot directly in his mouth when he claimed all those polls are only given to unemployed black people..

The_Yeti_Knows
The_Yeti_Knows

@my2cents @Mariooch I don't see the problem here, I've been talking to the toilet for 40 years, and sometimes after a bowl of sticky icky I even get some decent advice back.... Don't laugh, my shares in Colecovision will take off one daysoon.

The_Yeti_Knows
The_Yeti_Knows

@my2cents Did I say coleco? I meant Atari! Imagine for a minute the profound life altering trauma one would have to endure to end up listening to their own toilet!

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