Lessons From Mitt Romney: Here's How to Strap Fido to the Roof of Your Car
|Click on the photo for how-to instructions on Romneying your dog.|
Mitt Romney sure can't catch a break on this Seamus the Dog controversy. He puts his Irish setter on the roof of his car one time -- one time! -- and people just can't seem to stop thinking that makes him a bad person.
If you haven't heard, Romney has admitted to putting Seamus in a dog carrier on top of
his car and then driving 12 hours across Canada. When Seamus' diarrhea rolled down the back of the car, Romney calmly stopped at a gas station, borrowed a garden hose, and gave both the dog and the car a good cleaning. At the end of the trip, Seamus the dog had developed a propensity to wander off, so Romney gave him away.
There are probably a few people who hear this story of Seamus and wonder if it's not actually a brilliant idea. Maybe you have a family vacation planned across the coldest part of North America. Perhaps you have a dog that you'd rather strap to the roof. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that you too have no moral qualms about animal cruelty.
Well then, this how-to guide is just the thing for you. Follow this link for our helpful instructions on how to Romney your dog. That's a verb now, Romney. It means to strap a household pet onto the roof of your family's vehicle and drive a long distance. It's a pretty good question to ask dates or job candidates. "Have you ever Romneyed?" "Oh, God no," they'll say. "I want to get into politics someday."
Eric Barton is editor of New Times Broward-Palm Beach. Email him here, or click here to follow him on Facebook.