Fort Lauderdale Guy in Plaid Shorts Accused of Beating Man He Thought Was Australian

Categories: Crime, WTFlorida
limey-fuck.JPG
courtesy FLPD
"Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder? / You better run, you better take cover..."
​Fort Lauderdale Police are looking for a suspect in connection with a beating that happened at an Andrews Avenue gas station last month.

Police say the charming, American-Eagle-bedecked gentleman at right was standing in line at the Shell Station at 1144 S. Andrews Ave. on February 19 when he spontaneously turned around and told another man to "back up six inches." The victim, 50-year-old Michael Stocker, says the agitated man then called him a "limey fuck." When asked for clarification, Mr. Plaid Shorts clarified that he suspected Stocker was Australian.

When Stocker asserted that he was, in fact, American, the man beat Stocker into the corner with punches and knees, leaving the him with bruises, abrasions, and a chipped tooth. The Anti-Australian Assailant then "casually strolled out of the convenience store, as Stocker was left downtrodden in the corner," according to police.

Police spokesman Det. Travis Mandell said Stocker is from Chicago.

(Nerd break: Yes, the term "limey" refers to British sailors who had to eat limes to avoid scurvy. While Australia was heavily colonized by the British in the 19th Century, I could not find any information about scurvy there. Asking Jeeves for clarification was also unhelpful. It's possible the suspect either did not understand the term or knows a lot about Australian fruit intake, or that saying fuck after limey alters the definition in a way I am not familiar with.)

Police describe the suspect as around 30 years old, five-foot-nine, and 180 pounds, with brown hair, brown eyes, and tattoos on his right arm. Witnesses told police he drove off in a gray pickup truck. If you have any info, call Det. Orlando Almanzar at 954-828-5546.


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17 comments
Peter Godbold
Peter Godbold

Hmmmm ....  he musthave come across the fact that most Australian men are uncircumcised andhe developed a bad case of foreskin envy... either that or maybe he was bitten bya lime as a child.

Amurogay
Amurogay

so...the Fort Lauderdale cops are so worthless they still haven't caught this guy yet? I suppose they are too busy with their usual business of having three squad cars pull over a single black guy

Waterskris
Waterskris

The police need to catch that dooshbag who attacked that guy in the gas station.. what a piece of shit!

mel
mel

haha a real 'limey fuck' would of beaten that twat to a pulp

Funny Gurl
Funny Gurl

Oh 'gray' pick up truck!!! .. Could have sworn you had written 'gay'

Dk
Dk

new to me americans hate australians,ill be getting the australian today show onto this this, our boys die fighting in your fucking wars

Jim
Jim

Mr. Plaid shorts looks kinda soft to me.  Guess that's why he only picks on older guys.

Stephen
Stephen

Would like to meet plaid shorts guy and see what he's say to me. There is always crazier and more dangerous.

Chris
Chris

Americans pretty much hate everyone haha.. Now they're attacking Australians.. Aren't Americans, and Australians  real good allies ? 

Joe
Joe

what a coward

Chaz Stevens, Genius
Chaz Stevens, Genius

Rich.

Beating random Aussies isn't against the law?

I must have missed that memo.

Amurogay
Amurogay

more like "typical wearer of plaid shorts"

Jonathan Rivers
Jonathan Rivers

Typical idiot. Basing a whole population of people off the actions of a select, rogue few.

Amurogay
Amurogay

yeah, news to us too. We mostly think you're all as adorable as baby kangaroos

Yo mama69
Yo mama69

i hate nobody, except assholes like you that assume im the same as that needle dick

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