FAU Rated as Second-Worst Team in College Football; ESPN Likens Owls to Charlie Sheen

Categories: Sports
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FAU's new playbook.
Despite the fact that just over half of our readers predicted the Florida Atlantic University Owls would win a game this year before the Miami Dolphins, the nearly 27 percent who thought both teams would go without a win this year may be on the right track.

FAU didn't lose this weekend, which is most likely due to the fact that it didn't play a game, but the Dolphins sure found another way to lose, this time by three points to the New York Giants.

The Owls went into this weekend rated by ESPN as the second-worst team in the NCAA Football Bowl Subdivision behind New Mexico and will likely remain there after the Lobos were shut out for a second straight week -- this time with a 42-0 loss against Air Force.

In honor of today's candy-giving, costume-wearing holiday, ESPN gave some suggestions for costumes related to college football's worst teams.

"The Bottom 10 loves Halloween, especially scary movies," writes ESPN columnist Mark Schlabach. "No matter how many times you see them, even when you know the ending, it still makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Kind of like college football. Just as Jamie Kennedy laid out the ground rules governing a good scary movie in Wes Craven's 'Scream,' college football fans know a gory ending when they see one."

Schlabach's suggestion for Owls faithful: Charlie Sheen.

And we're not talking about a solid Sheen performance like inmate-to-ace Ricky Vaughn -- ESPN is thinking more along the lines of the guy who just got roasted by a host of B-list comedians:

Like the former star of the TV hit "Two and a Half Men," the Owls haven't been winning much of anything lately, either. Florida Atlantic lost its 10th straight game dating back to last season after falling last week to Middle Tennessee, 38-14.

The Dolphins were also ranked as the second-worst team in the NFL last week -- the new power rankings haven't been announced -- and sunglasses-wearing, gum-smacking head coach Tony Sparano received the honor from ESPN as the worst coach in the NFL.

We're talking approval ratings lower than Gov. Rick Scott here -- ya know, the guy whose approval rating is compared to ham sandwiches and hemorrhoids -- with an overall approval of 14 percent.

Back to the Owls: Their most-likely win scenario of the season just became a bit murkier. A battle of the winless was set to be played in a few weeks against the University of Alabama at Birmingham, but that team managed to eke out a win last week against the University of Central Florida, taking them out of college football's Bottom 10.

If FAU wants to take advantage of that Charlie Sheen reference, we'd recommend a team review of Sheen's acting debut in Red Dawn. Start some "Wolverines!" shouting, hide from the commies, and prepare for the 6-2 Arkansas State Red Wolves on Saturday, who currently sit atop the Sun Belt Conference.


Follow The Pulp on Facebook and on Twitter: @ThePulpBPB. Follow Matthew Hendley on Facebook and on Twitter: @MatthewHendley.
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