Florida: Today Is the Last Day to Legally Have Sex With Animals

Categories: Animal Planet
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Attention, Florida: Today is the last day to legally buck a bronco, hump a horse, grope a goat, or perform any other activities related to barnyard bangin'.

Senate Bill 344, which bans "sexual contact" and "sexual conduct" with animals, goes into effect on Saturday.

Unfortunately for animal sexers, several people have faced charges in Florida after being caught fornicating with fauna; however, we couldn't find a case of anyone being convicted.

Police say Eugene Hickman, a 54-year-old DeFuniak Springs resident, was arrested in June after his grandson walked into a bedroom and saw him naked on top of the family bulldog, attempting to have sex with it.

According to the Walton County Clerk, Hickman is scheduled to go to trial in November on an animal cruelty charge as well as a charge of lewd and lascivious exhibition charge for allegedly doing the deed in front of the kid.

The courts and prosecutors have gone both ways on the issue of wildlife whoopee -- in 2004, Ocala resident Randol Mitchell's girlfriend walked in on him having sex with her Rottweiler and was charged with animal cruelty. In 2005, Alan Yoder was charged with animal cruelty after he was caught having sex with his guide dog in Tallahassee, but that charge was later changed to breaching the peace. The judges in both cases withheld adjudication.

Still, State Sen. Nan Rich's bill banning sex with animals didn't pass until her third attempt because legislators were convinced they were wasting their time on something that never happens.

As ex-New Times Juice-man Thomas Francis can tell you, people having sex with animals happens a lot more than you'd think.

We'll bet someone a dollar that Cody Beck is still having sex with horses in Arizona, and there are even more cases around Florida that have occurred over the years.

In 2009, a Panhandle man asphyxiated the family goat while having sex with it, and there was a horse incident in the Keys shortly thereafter.

The moral of the story -- come tomorrow, it's definitely illegal to fondle, have sex with, help someone else have sex with, cause someone to have sex with, have sexual contact with "however slight," or permit someone on your property to have sex with an animal.

If you're really concerned about getting caught screwing animals after today, don't fret -- it's only a misdemeanor.

Click here to read the law as it is on the books.


Follow The Pulp on Facebook and on Twitter: @ThePulpBPB. Follow Matthew Hendley on Facebook and on Twitter: @MatthewHendley.
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27 comments
kobidobidog
kobidobidog

The zoosexual is a gentle soul. Stop hurting their gentle heart.
We are animals. To think not is all in your head. Zoos are loving rational minded people that don't seek to war with anyone. That is the kind of people we need on this planet. Satan thinks ban because he is banned from being in Gods presence. Think ban side with the devil.

kobidobidog
kobidobidog

Florida is oppressing peoiple. God says do not oppress the widow, and the fatherless in Isaiah 1, 17 , King James version.  .Florida legislators are acting like the condemned sodomites in the KJV.  They need to repent.

kobidobidog
kobidobidog

People eat, drink, poop, piss, eukaryote cells, physiologically, biologically, scientifically, chemically, microscopically, fight flight, territorial instincts fences, no trespass signs. KJV, Ecc 3;18-20. Argument against the zoo have holes big enough to drive a galaxy thorough. The mentality against the zoos is the same mentality against Jesus when he was here in the flesh.

Like Clint Eastwood every which way but lose.  We are an animal in every which way for sure..

malcolmkyle
malcolmkyle

Kindly Google: 'Neal Horsley, the mule-loving Republica'

Guest
Guest

The "rash of cases" according to the article numbers exactly three since 2005 statewide, WOW, that sure sounds like a major problem-- NOT.

"The prosecutor handling Lucky's case became so frustrated with Florida's weak animal welfare statutes that he virtually lobbied for the new law's passage."

Seems to me a better course of action, if the prosecutor was TRULY interested in fighting animal abuse- would be broadly strengthening the EXISTING animal abuse law already on the books, but see, this isn't about protecting animals, not really! since most of these bills historically define animals in them as "either living, or DEAD" (My emphasis)Obviously  a dead animal cant be abused, and including that proves it's not about preventing animal abuse as much as it's about controling people's sex lives in the privacy of their own bedrooms.There is however,  a couple of negative repercussions the nanny rich fool failed to consider:1) owners of female animals made paranoid now that if any female animal they own happens to develop ANY kind of discharge, uterine infection or something (common) that the personal risk of taking her to the vets and risk exposing ones self to the possibility the vet might ASSUME it was caused by bestiality will not be worth it, this means the animal wont be treeated, will be abandoned, or killed.

2) This law won't do a thing to prevent or stop engaging in sex with animals by zoophiles, as SMART ones only do it behind closed and locked doors IN PRIVATE, with no one else in the room, no videos , no photos.Only the idiots who are animal RAPISTS like the three cases cited here would be caught anyway, and existing animal abuse laws had they been strengthened would address any INJURY. If there's no injury to the animal then it's not abuse.

A man's 5 or 6" pickle is not going to abuse or even injure a mare who is naturally built to accept a stallion's member that is the size of an adult MAN'S ARM! Besdies, vets and breeders routinely insert their entire ARM, holding a plastic tube into mares to do artificial inseminations.

Anyone wanting to address animal cruelty need only look at the meat on their table and watch some youtube videos of typical slaughterhouse practices, and watch how the animals scream, struggle and panic as their throats are sliced open, tracheas ripped out still conscious and more.

Yimin
Yimin

Just an observation, I've seen videos on America's Funniest Home Videos where kids are getting humped on their legs by horny dogs. If it happens in Florida, this is in potential violation of clauses "b" and/or "c" and/or "d" of:

(2) A person may not:(a) Knowingly engage in any sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal;(b) Knowingly cause, aid, or abet another person to engage in any sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal;(c) Knowingly permit any sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal to be conducted on any premises under his or her charge or control; or(d) Knowingly organize, promote, conduct, advertise, aid, abet, participate in as an observer, or perform any service in the furtherance of an act involving any sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal for a commercial or recreational purpose.

Giuliof23
Giuliof23

thats not good!!! damn ppl need to see a phsychiatrist

CAMSHEEL
CAMSHEEL

That is funny are you freakin kidding me? What kind of moron has sex with animal?

Jack_SNL
Jack_SNL

So I have to divorce from my wife? She's a whale...

Antonio Martin Mcinnis
Antonio Martin Mcinnis

I presume, they are going to be a a lot of animals and animals'lovers, moving out of Florida to a more friendly state,where they can openly and legally make love.Reminds me of  the gay's movement to San Francisco in the 60'S.Chao.

Antonio Martin Mcinnis
Antonio Martin Mcinnis

Well, I presume al lot of animals and animals lovers,are going to move out of the state of Florida to other states where is going to be legal for them to express and make love openly and without any penalty impose on them.Remember San Francisco and the gay's movement in the 60'S. 

Pi314yum
Pi314yum

That explains a lot about Florida!

JSkool101
JSkool101

The Republicans unwittingly outlawed sex!

Last I heard, Homo Sapiens Sapiens is an animal, being the only present subspecies of the genus Homo Sapiens.

PaulyG
PaulyG

LOL....oh that's great.

My2Cents
My2Cents

Was she a whale when you first married her, it doesn't count

Guest
Guest

There is no state where it's "LEGAL"  and it never was legal in Florida, exisiting animal abuse laws have been used where there is an actual INJURY or harm, if there's no injury done then its not abuse by any stretch.The law will do nothing, it's laughable and a total waste of legislative time and money, these acts take place in private, and smart ones keep the door LOCKED and the drapes closed, dont film or photograph anything and dont invite others to watch.Its impossible to prosecute a "crime" where there's no witnesses or evidence.

Matthew Hendley
Matthew Hendley

Only if the person's certifiably stupid: "In this chapter, and in every law of the state relating to or in any way affecting animals, the word "animal" shall be held to include every living dumb creature" 

PaulyG
PaulyG

This happens all over the world, you fucking idiot.

Girlindaytona
Girlindaytona

Another instance of government intrusion into our lives, of government regulation of business, and another Republican job killing law!

Define "dumb". As in deaf and dumb or just blonde dumb?

Meanwhile the legislature has refused Federal money to build a rapid rail system that would end the recession here. We test people on unemployment for drug use even though the incidence of drug use among this group is lower than the population in general and testing costs more than it saves-and unemployment is insurance not some welfare!

That is dumb.

That is dumb!

Eric Barton
Eric Barton

It's also fascinating that the law bans only "knowingly" having sex with animals, clearing the way for the accidental bestiality defense.

James Femmer
James Femmer

'Every living dumb creature' includes at least a few thousand humans, though.

My2Cents
My2Cents

yeah sucks when you trip and fall and your dick accidentally ends up in your pet goat

Peter_FairMarket
Peter_FairMarket

Including most of the Florida Legislature and State House.

My2Cents
My2Cents

I think your number is way low...lmao

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