Tea Party Hates Manatees, Says Protecting Them Is "Against the Bible"

Categories: Politics
manatees-devil.jpg
gatewaypundit.com
Manatees: Work of the devil.
Jesus apparently hated manatees, according to a new Tea Party platform circulating around Florida.

Originating from the Citrus County Tea Party Patriots group, teabaggers are crying about the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service's intent to place restrictions against boating and other things near the city of Crystal River -- and now they're trying to get all Florida Tea Partiers to ask congress to block the wildlife service, according to the St. Petersburg Times.

And why would they be trying to do this? Because protecting animals like manatees is against the Bible and the Bill of Rights, according to one Tea Party leader.

"We cannot elevate nature above people," Citrus County Tea Party Patriots leader Edna Mattos told the paper. "That's against the Bible and the Bill of Rights."

Preparing for the reality of bowing down to our new manatee overlords, Mattos tells the paper that if animal-loving hippies would've been around in the days of dinosaurs, we'd all be living in a movie starring Jeff Goldblum right now.

"If some of these environmental movements had been around in the days of the dinosaurs, we'd be living in Jurassic Park now," Mattos told the paper.

Thank goodness the Tea Party is here to prevent us all from becoming manatee food.

Of course, what Tea Party talking point would be any good without a conspiracy theory about the United Nations?

The St. Pete Times has the answer to that:

Current regulations have helped boost the manatee population from 100 to 500, so clearly they're sufficient, Mattos said. In fact, in her view, the manatee rules tie in to global development issues.

"We believe that (federal regulators') aim is to control the fish and wildlife, in addition to the use of the land that surrounds this area, and the people that live here and visit. ... As most of us know, this all ties in to the United Nations' Agenda 21 and Sustainability."

Agenda 21 is a program, adopted by the U.N. in 1992, to encourage countries around the world to promote only development that does not harm nature. Pundit Glenn Beck and other conservatives have attacked it as an attempt to impose world government's rules on every aspect of American lives. The Citrus County tea party group's website says Agenda 21 is "designed to make humans into livestock."


Fictional manatees are not happy about the Tea Party's plans:

"These tea party bitches tryna keep a brotha down," Gangsta Manatee posts on Twitter. "Oh hell naw! Manatee brothas unite!"


Follow The Pulp on Facebook and on Twitter: @ThePulpBPB.

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233 comments
CrossIam
CrossIam

quote one person, and that person represents a whole party? This "news"  is crap, no matter what party you support, or even if you support no party. BS reporting

Isaac Asimov
Isaac Asimov

Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'

Jonathan Knox
Jonathan Knox

If the Tea Party leader that you mention making the statement "...protecting animals like manatees is against the Bible..." would actually do the research, we find the bible stating that mankind is a steward of the earth and all that is in it.  The definition of steward is "a person who manages another's property or financial affairs;one who administers anything as the agent of another or others."  The bible also states that we will be judged by the way that we deal with this responsibility.  http://truthinteaparty.blogspo...

kalifani6
kalifani6

"We cannot elevate nature above people," Citrus County Tea Party Patriots leader Edna Mattos told the paper. "That's against the Bible and the Bill of Rights."

Preparing for the reality of bowing down to our new manatee overlords, Mattos tells the paper that "if animal-loving hippies would've been around in the days of dinosaurs, we'd all be living in a movie starring Jeff Goldblum right now. "

SOMEBODY PLEASE EUTHANIZE THESE FUCKERS.

Our collective-consciousness can't stand the level of abuse these godforsaken idiots are heaping on our mental constitution.

 I've never seen such an audacious abuse of cerebral resources!

Catsydestiny
Catsydestiny

"'If some of these environmental movements had been around in the days of the dinosaurs, we'd be living in Jurassic Park now,' Mattos told the paper."He believes people and dinosaurs coexisted. Of course he does. 

These morons are destroying the United States of America.

Gretchenbenedetto
Gretchenbenedetto

I think the tea party and all supporters should be dumbed in Boston Harbor!

Angela Garcia as NeonMosfet
Angela Garcia as NeonMosfet

Considering that the dinosaurs ate it because of an asteroid that whacked Mexico.  I really don't think an animal loving hipping could have saved them. But who knows, maybe some of them dinos should try to cash in on some of that BP cash.

Angela Garcia as NeonMosfet

coach33
coach33

Tea Party-old Hippee's gone bad

Kg
Kg

Well this is too stupid for words.  BALANCE PEOPLE.  Manatee's are cool.  Let's save a few.  Find a way that makes sense, but forget all this Bible Crap!  (Only referencing "Bible Crap" as it pertains to this Manatee question).  While the Bible is a very important element in the world, it doesn't apply here and to try to make it so is stupid.  Well, maybe not the part about "do unto others".  I guess most of us don't want to be run over by boats.

Splitlvlskull
Splitlvlskull

Wow. None of you get it. The Tea party is another name for right-wing religious whakk jobs. Our Founding Fathers feared exactly these people and in numerous papers, speeches and letters to other legislators, spoke out against religion being involved in democracy, saying '...religion poses the single greatest threat to democracy.' This is nothing more than mentally challenged people (the religious) attempting to shape law through religion. Palin and Bachmann are both morons who believe that our Founding Fathers wanted this country to be a Theocracy and that man ran around with the dinosaurs. It should be abundantly clear that these TPers are nothing more than perfect examples that prove the movie "Idiocracy" was a prophecy and is coming true NOW. And there is a way to avoid taxes: be rich.

Lkieth_wagner
Lkieth_wagner

It never ceases to amaze me at how stupid the Tea Party looks every time some one from that group opens their mouth. I can not believe that the Republican party has yet to disenfranchise themselves from what is clearly a nut job group of People. I dont care who it is I am voting the Democratic ticket this time around.

Notsuredomus
Notsuredomus

Humans into livestock... hmmmmmTo take a quote from the tea parties favorite theatrical prop (the bible) An eye for an eye Man finally gets to experience what his victims have suffered for thousands of years.

Notsuredomus
Notsuredomus

Yeah that typical I am always trying to protect innocent victims like these from the Bible or at least idiotic interpretations of the bible. You would think if it was really the word of God there would not be so much room for interpretation. God hates the Manatee? As far as I know I think that Man was the only one that he kicked out of paradise!

claire cash
claire cash

seriously. the animals were created first and man was given stewardship over them. what is wrong with people. leave the manatees alone.

Jessetaylor90
Jessetaylor90

we wont let that happen here...the teabaggers will fail... Florida is a blue state and will only become a stronghold for democrats once all these old fucks die off

Siddbad
Siddbad

This is just typical propaganda, They take a small group of people and one issue and use to describe everyone in the Tea Party. Theres plenty of animal lovers on the right and plenty who dont care about them on the left.

Giovanni
Giovanni

How about the Bible is AGAINST these tea baggers!!!!  Enough with these people already why do we really care what they say 

Edwinwhite
Edwinwhite

Oh, the humanatee. They are silly...

Larry Jones
Larry Jones

Things like this just show you how far gone, and the intelligence of the Tea Party types.

Corey Drouin
Corey Drouin

This story actually made me sick. Are humans getting that arrogant now, that they think we can just start killing other species off? It's not even for a good reason!! The bible says so?! What the fuck is wrong with these fucking morons? Once again, more assholes using the bible as an excuse to be a fucking dickhead.  I say we appeal to congress to lift bans on killing religious fucktards for a few days so all the normal people can go hunting.  Tea Party fucks would be the first to go. These assholes are dragging this country down. Fuck you assholes.

Vinz
Vinz

YES, they actually walk amongst us.

Lady Nightshade
Lady Nightshade

Depending on how you look at the bible.. the animals are here for us to take care of... not wipe off the face of the planet.. or the lord wouldn't have put such amazing and complicated creatures all over the place... Did he give us the world and all that comes with it to take for granted? Our first concerns yes, should be us.. but what we are concerned with is an issue.. we want to do anything and everything to make ourselves more lazy and as less natural as possible.. we are greedy and hateful to anything that may inconveniences us because a lot of humans think we should be the ONLY thing that matters. People of extrema natures are un balanced and un logical and have a hard time (or just flat out can't) see from the prospective of the planet as a whole.. EVERYTHING in it has a right to be here and is why they where put here...(or evolved here) Destroying the world to make its easier for us is just flat out wrong and most of us won't realize we will need all that we have destroy until after its too late. Humans will be the end of everything, including humans. :sigh:

Hola
Hola

Citrus County Tea Party Patriots group - read the name and already facepalm.

Debbie M
Debbie M

fools do not realize Jesus loves all creatures. and would go out of his way to protect all of them.

Guest.
Guest.

I had to scroll up to see if this was theonion.com because I can't believe these people believe it's a God given right to ram your cigarette boat into manatees!

Bob
Bob

derp

Kraven1957
Kraven1957

Light bulbs and Manatees, the teabaggers are a cult not to be reckoned with!

briangrant1
briangrant1

But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. 1 Timothy 2:12 Man is short for manatee.

Conchita Martinez
Conchita Martinez

I had no idea that the Bible said that!!  Well, if the teabaggers say it, it MUST be true!!!

Ross Calloway
Ross Calloway

The bible? That's nonsense. But they do taste good.

Glenn Wahl
Glenn Wahl

One of my students and I had the joyous experience of swimming at Sebastian Inlet and having a bull manatee and his harem unexpectedly surface within a few feet of us. They nuzzled us and stayed with us for several minutes until they submerged and left. The Tea Party people show an incredible ignorance of basic ecology if they think that other species don't matter to our own survivability on this planet. The Tea Party and their GOP cohorts are trying to gut virtually every environmental protection we have, and it's important that we all be activists in not letting that happen.   Glenn Wahl  Little Valley, NY 

Some Guy Smith
Some Guy Smith

Ha! Ha! Those articles from the Onion are so funny! This one really satirizes the Tea Partiers!

Wait.... This is real?

Stephen Motson
Stephen Motson

Is being a complete nutter a mandatory requirement to joining the Tea Party. In the UK we have a similar party that stands at all the local elections, called the 'Monster Raving Loony Party'. I wonder if the Tea Party are an offshoot of these?

Ypresian
Ypresian

      “We give You thanks, O Lord God, the Almighty, who are and who were, because You have taken Your great power and have begun to reign. “And the nations were enraged, and Your wrath came, and the time came for the dead to be judged, and the time to reward Your bond-servants the prophets and the saints and those who fear Your name, the small and the great, and to destroy those who destroy the earth.” Revelation 11:17-18

David C
David C

This is a typical liberal hit piece.  What the tea party is saying is that the rights of animals are being used as a red herring to take away the rights of the individual.  Wake up you ignorant and easily manipulated dope heads.  Under the guise of protecting a lizard, frog, owl, minnow etc. the government takes away your private property rights or the right to enjoy any area they want exclusive access to.  Just wait until protecting some insignificant piss ant is used to tell you that you can't remodel your home or plant a garden  or drive a car.  Every time a new law is passed it is another restriction on my freedom whether or not it directly affects me.  Freedom does not come from laws telling you what you can't do.  Stupidity and ignorance are so rampant in the US that I have little doubt that more and more of these types of laws will be passed.  Just wait until you must have a permit to breath, have children, buy meat, go fishing etc.  All of you useful idiots that are so adamant about laws restricting the rights of others will one day regret your gullibility.  Sooner or later a law will be passed that personally affects you and then you will bitch and moan.  As long it is someone else who is having their right trampled it is OK with you, but let it happen to you and the moaning and complaining will never end.

Jerri Edgington
Jerri Edgington

The Citris County Tea Party thinks Agenda 21 wants to make humans into livestock???  Oh, Really???Actually its the Koch Brothers who are funding them that want to turn humans into chattle! 

kalifani6
kalifani6

yep.

They also believe the Earth is 6000 years old and

 ....apparently respecting other lifeforms and the environment is a sin against the Creator.

Notice how conveniently that works out for the anti-regulation corporations? 

SMDrPepper
SMDrPepper

And if anyone is curious as to what this country would look like if they get their way, go look at Uganda and Guyana.  Thats in Africa for those who are less literate.  In those countries they have taken it upon themselves (with American evangelicals helping) to outlaw gays and kill "witches".  In Uganda, they are outing anyone suspected of being gay, throwing them in jail for life, and trying to pass a law that lets them be killed.  Guyana is even worse since if anyone suspects you of witchcraft, they try to kill you or worse, outcast you.  I say worse since it is usually children that suffer this fate.This is the world the right wing tea baggers want for us.  Sure, the rank and file say they do not, but their leaders already are calling for it.  Such as Bachmann calling gays "barbarians" that "need to be punished" amongst other things.They love to say they are for what the forefathers were, yet this is the exact opposite of what even the most conservative forefather would want.Yes, we all laugh at their gaffs, and we revel in the idiocy, yet if they DO manage to gain control this is what we all will be trapped into living.

amused_bystander
amused_bystander

the best part of it all is, the Bible specifically tells us to care for our animals:

"A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel" (Proverbs 12:10 NIV)

Terri Geer
Terri Geer

Do you have a valid point to this post?

shotta
shotta

@David C. : I agree we need to have freedom, but we also need laws to protect people from using their freedom to infringe on the freedom of others. So we need a balance.

If you are free to ride your boat anywhere and at any speed, what could this lead to? Well, this could lead you to killing someone or some animal. A fair approach is to limit your speed, so that your freedom to boat does not infringe on another's freedom to live.

Unlimited freedom is no freedom at all because it infringes on the freedom of others. Of course, some waterways should be opened for free boating, but there should also be water ways where boaters cannot operate and where wildlife can roam freely. We need a balance. That is fair. To have any other way is to be selfish.

Terri Geer
Terri Geer

"Just wait until you must have a permit to breath, have children, buy meat, go fishing etc."

Wow! Talk about a straw man argument! Can't you come up with something valid?

GeneDebs
GeneDebs

You know, the issue with nearly all the 'protected' endangered animals (lizards, frogs, etc.) is that they are on PUBLIC land that already belongs to all of us. The usual trouble is people who want to use our public lands any way they want, often to make a buck. We want to keep YOU from trampling on OUR rights, you see. Also, you already need a permit to go fishing, and pissant is just one word

Model Citizen
Model Citizen

A "red herring" is a plot device used in literature that involves a clue that leads the reader in the wrong direction to misdirect them from the truth and keep the suspense alive for a bit longer.  An example is when an innocent character is purposely cast into a guilty light by the author, in order to distract from the real perpetrator.  

That term does not apply in this case.  The author, or in this case the media, has not created a false issue to distract you from the truth but is merely reporting the fact that Tea Party members have spoken out against the basic protection of an endangered species, protection that is coming from the relatively conservative organization that is the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission.  

In what way is the author of this article misdirecting you from the truth?

There are approximately 300 million people in this country but only about 3,000 manatees.  Clearly, human life is adaptable and sustainable and has trampled on every conceivable local micro-climate in its growth and propagation but other species are barely able to cling to their shrinking habitat.  Until the era of motorboats, manatees had essentially no natural enemies and thrived.  With the advent of propeller-driven watercraft, their numbers have dwindled as they have been slaughtered and massacred in their natural habitat by careless boaters.  

When asking you to slow down to protect these gentle creatures, is the State really taking away your freedom?  Do you, in fact, have the freedom to kill any creature created by God that happens to enter your path of trajectory?  If boats were capable of traveling at 100 or 200 miles per hour and devastating everything within their paths is that considered an inherent freedom of yours?  Do you have the freedom to poison every waterway in America and sterilize every pond and lake?  

There is a large barren zone in the Gulf of Mexico at the end of the Mississippi River where nothing lives anymore.  The way that things are going, the entire ocean will someday be like this -- brown and devoid of life.  Is that the kind of earth you want?

Where do you draw the line David C.?  Do you really think that the simple protection of the dwindling manatee species is some liberal tree-hugging attempt to further diminish your rights?  Because if you do, you are terribly mistaken and you're an extremist of the worst kind.

By your reasoning, I have the right to slaughter you.  And I'm seriously considering it at the moment...

SMDrPepper
SMDrPepper

Why anyone would believe any conspiracy theory is beyond me.  One started by Beck is even worse.Dont the tea baggers know hes insane?And for the record, THEY called themselves tea baggers, as a derivation of carpet baggers.

kalifani6
kalifani6

Spot on.

The so-called 'developing' nations serve as a testing ground for right-wing policy....which of course always favors the rich and powerful.

They have convinced the people through religion to kill off their own future. All while believing to be protecting it. ( the lgbt community in Uganda tends to be the most highly educated and secular. The killing of children is of course to diminish the populations growth.)

With such social engineering, colonialists/corporatists no longer need to mow them down themselves, nor even occupy the lands--------like in the old days.

Religion has them self-destructing on automatic.

This is the Libertarian wet-dream.

America beware.

The pattern is well tested, tried and true.

And don't think being agnostic or atheist exempts you from being duped. Right-Wing ideology is a religion unto itself.

Anything that encourages making up your own history while denying the facts is the direct correlation.

shotta
shotta

Ypresian should have explained her posting of the scripture. But I believe I understand her reason for the post.

The scripture says:

"Your wrath came....and the time to reward..and to destroy those who destroy the earth.” Revelation 11:17-18

What Revelation is saying is that God will destroy those who destroy the Earth. People who use the Bible to say that God does not care about nature and the Earth are wrong. God created the Earth and he cares about everything in it.

Those people who intentionally and willfully and spitefully kill animals and pollute this planet will receive judgment. It is our job to care for our planet and all its inhabitants, including animals and all people - - all the land and the sea that God has given us. We should take care of to the best that we can.

There is nothing wrong with boating. But we need to understand how to operate boats in safe ways so that we do not harm wildlife. Why would anyone be so angry about laws that require safe boating to protect wildlife? Why should we carelessly operate boats with no regard for wildlife? 

ManiNami
ManiNami

That would imply that there is innate intelligence from which to draw from...

smoker
smoker

Great response to dickhead David!!!!

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