Worst Spring Break Hordes Found Here

Photo by Ian Witlen

Yeah, it's fun here. Now leave!

​Maybe it's me, but spring break seems to be lasting an inordinately long time this year. Just when you think it's safe to walk around the block for a slice of pizza, you run smack into some spray-tanned co-ed in a wife beater, drinking green beer.

So for you, dear Juice readers, we've compiled an extremely unscientific list of places to avoid while the drunken hordes are still vacationing here. Feel free to add your own suggestions.

1) Hollywood North Beach Park. Getting a motor vehicle near the stretches of sand in this city is always tough, but last weekend the situation was comically bad. By noon on Sunday, traffic was piled up around the entrance on Sheridan Street, and all the parking ticket machines on the west side of A1A were broken except for one-- which only accepted cash.   

2) Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport. A friend of mine flew into town on March 17, and saw security lines full of people being ordered to remove their St. Patrick's Day/Mardi Gras beads. Don't you envy those TSA screeners? Laptop. Keys. Shoes. Beads. Next! 

3) Bamboo Beach Tiki Bar & Cafe. The laid-back bar and pool at the Ocean Manor Beach Resort in Fort Lauderdale is usually a place for locals to relax on a Sunday afternoon. This time of year, it's a giant wet t-shirt contest, full of testosterone and pasty skin.