Broward Is Turning Into Miami-Dade, Says the Census. Here's How to Embrace It

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Wikimedia Commons
Nobody takes more sectarian pride in county lines than Florida -- where you would normally find city rivalries and geographic landmarks, we have a patchwork quilt of little sovereign empires dividing up the swamps. Heck, we even named our paper after some counties.

So when the latest data from the U.S. Census Bureau landed on our Broward Pride Desk, we immediately took notice. According to the Miami Herald's reading of the data, Broward is becoming "more like Miami-Dade" -- by which they mean that we are getting more black and Hispanic people.

Which got us thinking: What else is in store for the future? As white people become the minority in BroCo, what other changes could have us looking more like our flashier neighbors to the south?
1. More Europeans getting naked.
On the beach, specifically. With our recent emphasis on all things nudist, it stands to reason that we would direct our gaze toward Miami's clothing-optional beaches. We may have more people from Quebec in Broward, but give those Frenchies the opportunity to lose their tops and we'd be well on our way to Dade-style liberation.

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2. More Latin American culture.
Miami may call itself "the capital of Latin America," but a few more cortaditos and empanadas couldn't hurt Broward County, nor could a little more Cuban culture, bilingualism, and (of course) the infamous lethargy of "Latin time." While the Census predicts that our Hispanic population will expand, we should fully embrace our geographic proximity to parts of the world that don't revolve around strip malls.

3. A bunch of TV shows about us.

CSI: Pompano Beach? Burn Notice: Michael Weston in Weston? Lauderhill Ink? How about movies: Fort Lauderdale Vice? Fact is, we have enough fascinating corruption to fuel multiple plot-driven dramas, though the color palate would have to be just a tad more muted. A&E's The Glades shot some scenes in Fort Lauderdale, so that's a start.

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Flickr: davereid2
4. Statelier palm trees.
While Broward's Arecaceae are mostly scrappy queen palms and the like, Miami is full of grand old date palms that were planted in neat rows behind South Beach hotels and along A1A, back when much of Broward was just a swamp full of gators. Give us another few decades and not too many hurricanes and perhaps we'll be able to measure up.

5. A mayoral recall.  
Ken Keechl's out of the Broward Commission, so we may have to wait a while to get fed up with a county mayor to the point where a local multimillionaire moves to kick him out of office, à la Norman Braman and Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez. The unforgivable offense? A property tax increase. That shouldn't be too hard for us to arrange in the years to come.

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