Your 912 Project Scavenger Hunt

Pretending Obama is a Muslim might never get old.

​Here's a fun way to look at today's so-called 912 events. But first, some background:

Eight years ago, this country was struck in the worst terrorist attack in our history. In the days and weeks following, Americans felt a sense of unity, coming together to collectively lick our wounds and fly our flag in the face of adversity. Before anyone attacked anyone else, before any new laws were passed, before we even knew exactly what happened, virtually everyone in this country agreed: this was a very, very bad thing.

Then came new, unconstitutional laws, unwarranted (and unending) war, country songs that suggested America would put a boot in the rectum of...well just about anyone we felt like ass-booting, lots of torture, and Glenn Beck.

This is not to suggest that Mr. Beck was born less than eight years ago (or has the mind of a small, spoiled child), but that the opportunity for his success was borne in the fear, unity, and (GASP!) hope that came from those days after the attacks. People were (understandably) scared of another attack, unified in the belief that our country should not be attacked, and hopeful that out of the rubble would come a stronger, more focused nation. And Beck's simple-minded message that "we were attacked by people who hate freedom" stuck with people who were very upset, weren't sure exactly why or how to express this, and didn't really care to understand anything in a more sophisticated way. ("Yep, we're free, they hate us. Sounds good to me. Who's driving to Wal-Mart to buy the guns and beer? Oh, and who's on American Idol tonight?")

Since the economic decline starting in 2007, and amplified by the election of President Obama, Beck has expanded his fanbase to people who are scared of total economic collapse and conservatives who would rather the government not spend money on things like bailouts, healthcare, or anything that implies Global Warming is real and could have a real effect. He markets these concepts as "common sense" and explicitly states that those who disagree with him are infringing on personal freedom and bringing about End Times (and implies those people - even if they are the U.S. Government - should be stopped with guns).

​From this, we have the Tea Party protests (where the other half of the country finally learned that government is bad, especially if it's run by people with whom you disagree) and the under-reported upon 9-12 Project. Beck lists nine "principles" (they involve liking America and God and family and economic disparity and not trusting the government) and 12 values (Honesty, Reverence, Hope, Thrift, Humility, Charity, Sincerity, Moderation, Hard Work, Courage, Personal Responsibility, Gratitude) and suggests he wants to "bring us all back to the place we were on September 12, 2001."

To celebrate this project, Beck's followers fans all over the country plan to take to the streets today. There are events planned in both Fort Lauderdale and West Palm Beach. While it might be easy to dismiss the Obama hatred here as racism, I think (read: hope) that's not what it is. These people are old-fashioned conservatives who don't think of "healthcare" as a moral principle - making sure everyone has the right and opportunity to see a doctor - but as a cost they don't want to share. ("If they really wanted to be healthy, they would have been born rich like us, right Dad? Now can I drive the truck to Wal-mart to buy beer and guns?")

With that in mind, if you happen to see one of these protests (or if you're taking part) here's a fun little game that might help take your mind off the depressing, unproductive, hate-fueled, often ironic, simpletudes espoused at events like this. You can play as many times as you like, with your friends and family or alone. For every item on the list you see (photographs are the best proof) you get the point value associated. No cheating now; that would violate the "personal responsibility" value.

A sign or rhetoric suggesting someone "take back" the country - 1 point

An image of a snake - 1 point

A sign or T-shirt with a picture of a gun - 1 point

A Sarah Palin sticker or T-shirt - 1 point

Any reference to "death panels" - 3 points

A sign suggesting President Obama was not born in this country - 3 points

Someone suggesting Obama is a terrorist - 3 points

Someone calling themself a "Watchdog" - 3 points

Anything with a subversive use of an Obama logo or ironic use of "change" - 3 points

References to Hillary Clinton or Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid - 1 point each (Bonus 3 points for every misspelled name)

A wealthy white male suggesting he is a victim - 1 point (Bonus 10 points if said male is doing so from inside a luxury car)

Someone eating fast food while talking about how much they love their health insurance - 5 points

Reference to Thomas Paine - 5 points

Reference to Ayn Rand - 7 points

A Ron Paul for President sign - 7 points

A Joe Wilson for President sign - 15 points

Someone waving a copy of Glenn Beck's book, Common Sense - 20 points (Bonus 20 points if the book jacket has been mounted to a poster, or someone is reading from the book into a megaphone)

Someone claiming they want to unify America, then suggesting disestablishing the Union (secession) within 60 seconds - 20 points (Bonus 50 points if it's in the same sentence)

Someone with a good idea that isn't just rousing people in an effort to gain market share and sell books and lower the level of discourse (and by effect consciousness) in this country - game over, everybody wins