Hollywood Man to Compete for Best American Truck Driver

That's a trailer from a UPS-sponsored documentary about last year's Truck Driving Championships. This year, Hollywood is sending Florida's finest big-rig pilot: Patrick Condon, who prevailed in the recent statewide competition in Tampa.

Sadly, these championships are sanctioned by the American Trucking Associations, which means they reward safety rather than dare-devilry. So instead of canyon-jumping or jack-knifing, the drivers compete in events that could only thrill a warehouse manager:

alley dock, a rear line stop, a side park, a scale stop, a right turn, a front line stop, and straight line driving through a diminishing clearance.

Still, I'll bet it looks terrific on a trucker's curriculum vitae, so best of luck to Condon as he heads to Pittsburgh for a competition that starts August 18.

After the jump, video of the Worst American Truck Driver, Garth -- Hasselhoff's evil twin in Knight Rider. (The show's even more craptastic in Polish.)