Local Vampire to Be Released at Dawn

Flickr User: j.labrado

Don't give this guy a massage

Oh, but the sun is no match for this Prince of Darkness. Jeffrey Epstein, the world's wealthiest registered sex offender, no longer has to spend nights in a stockade, where since October he's been in a work release program, reports Jose Lambiet at Page 2 Live.

Rather, he returns to his Palm Beach mansion where he's free to invent an even creepier fetish than the last one. So if we can extract a lesson from this morality tale, I suppose it's this: that the most expensive lawyers deliver priceless freedoms.