Beaten by a Perfectly Groomed Handlebar Mustache

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Clay Zavada in the minors, before the handlebars.

It's the worst kind of brutality: swift, unforgiving, and ushered in by a waxed, turned, well-spun piece of man hair. If you didn't see it last night, the Marlins lost to the Diamondbacks 4-3. And the winning pitcher only appeared in the seventh inning. It was also his first time to pitch in the big leagues.

Most notable though, was the man's incredible facial hair. That's right, Clay Zavada rocks the Rollie Fingers-esque handlebar womb broom.

For corporate-related copyright policies, I couldn't post a photo of what Zavada looked like last night as he pitched his one perfect inning with the score tied (the D-backs scored in the next inning and the bullpen carried it home from there), but this is a shot of him in the minors, growing what would become his revered lip sweater, his curly cookie crumb keeper.

The New York Times wrote about Zavada's long, trying journey to the majors last year. (He had facial hair, but back then it looked like the giant bushes before Edward Scissorhands worked his magic.) It seems this fantastic 'stache symbolizes something bigger than baseball--something about the perseverance of the blue collar American, and all his facial fuzziness.