State Rep Issues Creative Challenge to Florida Sex Service Industry

Flickr User: addisonmagazine

"Keep those hands where I can see 'em!"

With a few days left before the state legislative session goes into OT, we are almost ready to pronounce its legacy: This year, 2009, was the one in which Florida slipped off an economic cliff, but not before saving us from our oversexed selves. Sunrise Sen. Nan Rich would slip a chastity belt on Florida beasts. Greenacres Sen. David Aronberg would stop the stranger's eyes from peering down a blouse and up a skirt. And the latest racy reform comes from the Hillsborough County district of State Rep. Rachel Burgin. The 2004 graduate of Bob Jones University (where, I believe, you can still buy your books with Confederacy bills) became fluent in Pimp so that she could crack down on print-based prostitution.

The bill would ban advertising "that implies the provision of services other than a massage" including advertisements that promised "actresses" or those boasting "all our escorts have health certificates," or...

"bodies beautiful," "girls galore," "call us and make your point," "call us, we come to you," "climax," "couples and swingers," "desires," "direct to your room," "do you want a swinger," "dominance," "double delight," "erotic," "erotic encounters," "exciter," "fantasies,""fetishes," "for adults only," "fox hunting," "fulfill," "girls to go," "happy endings," "hard core," "hot," "it's legal in Florida," "love," "maid," "maids," "maid service," "make your point," "massages," "models," "models, girls, or escorts in the privacy of your hotel or motel room,"

Flickr User: Rick cook

"models, girls, or escorts to act out your fantasies," "no need to leave your hotel," "no need to leave your hotel room," "nude models," "open 24 hours for your desires," "open 24 hours for your pleasure," "outcall," "rooms provided," "satisfy," "seductive," "sensuous," "sexy," "showers," "showgirls," "showguys," "so good," "someone to enjoy," "special services," "spend some time with me," "spice," "spicy," "submit to pleasure," "swingers and couples," "swinging," "tantalizing," "the pleasure is yours," "the utmost in discretion," "two for one," "warm," "we come direct to you," "we deliver," "we deliver the goods," "we go out," "we have a model, escort, or girl for your every need," "we respond immediately," "you always win," and "you won't be disappointed."

Nice try, Burgin. But what if one wanted to "hire a harlot" of "unparalleled pulchritude" willing to "forsake her knickers" whilst performing an "oil rub"? This bill makes adult advertising more fun than a game of Taboo.