Shaq Returns to South Beach, Rips His Old Heat Coach, Loses to Heat

Like a wise-cracking, slam-dunking movie monster (not to be confused with Kazaam), Shaquille O'Neal has returned to South Florida. And like Godzilla, he is doing his share of crushing -- even if it's not on the basketball court.

Last night, Shaq made the Miami stop on what he's calling his "Hate Shaq" tour. He was greeted warmly and played pretty well before fouling out with a minute left in what was ultimately another dominant performance by Dwyane Wade (35 points, 16 assists, six rebounds) in another impressive win by the Heat.

The real entertainment came before the game, though, when Shaq ripped a new orifice in Magic coach Stan Van Gundy. Van Gundy, who coached Shaq in Miami before being replaced by Pat Riley for the championship run, mocked the resurgent center for "flopping" when the Magic beat the Suns on Tuesday.

Yesterday, the Diesel replied with some serious fire, to Chris Sheridan of ESPN.com.:

"I heard his comment. Flopping to me is doing it more than one time, and I realized when I tried to take the charge, as I went down, I realized that that play reminded me of his whole coaching career."

Harsh, but undeniably funny, right? Well, it got even nastier.

"And one thing I really despise is a front-runner, so I know for a fact that he's a master of panic, and when it gets time for his team to go in the postseason and do certain things, he will let them down because of his panic. I've been there before; I've played for him."

Has there ever been a Quotesmith this good? If only he were nearly as consistent on the court as he is with his fantastic quips.