Cops OK'd to Beat You for Riding Elevator; Even Dominicans Apparently Have Better Anti-Brutality Policies

Prosecutors have dropped battery charges against a guy after watching a surveillance video  showing that cops bum-rushed the shit out of him. The tape, which shows officers grabbing and punching Josh Ortiz, reinforces the idea that I'd better say some really nice things about Fort Lauderdale cops right now or risk a pretty nasty beating in an elevator. So, um, cops, sweet bum-rush!

The reason I feel the need to back up the cops here is not because I'm frequently drunk and belligerent in public; it's that an internal affairs investigation by the Fort Lauderdale Police Department determined that the cops had done nothing wrong. Even after they watched the surveillance tape. And even after they looked up the definition of bum-rushed. Sgt. Frank Sousa summed up the internal affairs investigation for CBS4:

"They made the determination that there was no violation of departmental policies or procedures in response to what the officer's actions were."

In conclusion, the Fort Lauderdale Police Department apparently has no departmental policy that forbids cops from punching a guy in the face for simply riding in an elevator.

Therefore, it's clear to me that unless I mention what a wonderful job Fort Lauderdale cops are doing, my days of being an obnoxious drunk could end with my getting a beat-down in an elevator. So, hey cops, nice job beating internal affairs!

After the jump is a heartwarming tale about a father and son who allegedly do some bonding by taking a road trip with a bunch of dope in the trunk.

Father, Son Accused of Sharing Special Moment in Drug-Filled Car

Police in South Carolina charged 80-year-old Marcos Cesar Nunez-Olaverria of Fort Lauderdale with driving around with his son in a car that had $1 million in cocaine and heroin in the trunk. Nunez-Olaverria and his son, who's from Philadelphia, now have a story of bonding and jailtime and, I'm assuming here, getting completely bum-rushed by cops.

Dominicans Cheer on Team, Brag About Brutality Policy

A pro-Dominican crowd came out to watch the Orioles beat the Dominican Republic national team yesterday in Fort Lauderdale. The crowd banged bongos and sang songs. While the lyrics were in Spanish, I'm guessing they were bragging that, in the Dominican, it's actually illegal for cops to beat you.