Crist Considers Giving Everglades Land to Fanjuls, the Voldemorts of Sugar Farming

Categories: News
Pepe Fanjul Jr.jpg
Pepe Fanjul Jr. and buddy Cerberus.
Florida Gov. Charlie Crist is considering something of a partnership with the Fanjul sugar barons to salvage his billion-dollar plan to buy U.S. Sugar's land in South Florida. The deal, discussed yesterday, is akin to beating Voldemort and then installing Darth Vader. Wait, that's not quite evil enough. It's like defeating Cerberus, the three-headed dog that guards the gates of Hades, and then installing the Fanjul family.

If you're not familiar with the fine dealings of the Fanjuls, they run a company known for dissing workers hurt while on the job, they're frequently the target of criticism from environmentalists, and, in an area known for its evil corporations, they have risen to get my vote as the completely unscientifically determined most dastardly company. The Fanjuls: They're No. 1!

Despite this, Crist is considering allowing the Fanjuls' company, Florida Crystals, to buy some of U.S. Sugar's processing plants and land. Exact details haven't been worked out, but Crist hopes to settle things by September 1, when environmental regulators would have to vote on the plan. If he can't work out a deal by then, perhaps he could sell South Florida's most environmentally sensitive land to someone else, like Iran. At least the ayatollah is better than the Fanjuls.

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