Brides Fight it Out Like Clever Animal Analogy, Manatee Sneaks on to Golf Course
Yeah, the brides were like that.Phew, I may be exhausted from typing all those exclamation points, but I'm not so tired that I can't write at least one hungry animal
|Yeah, the brides were like that.|
After the jump, a wild manatee threatens the sanctity of marriage by invading a golf course!
Biologists on Friday pulled a manatee out of a North Palm Beach golf course pond. The poor sea cow traveled through a culvert to get there and was exhausted from its efforts to find a free wedding in a gift bag. But don't get all, "Oh, what a cute manatee," or, "I wonder if they taste like fish or beef." Because you should fear animal attacks, TV news has taught me, and if you don't keep reading, you'll never know how to protect your family from Wal-Mart snakes.
Bargain-Hunting Rattler Bites Man
A guy who was bitten in a Pembroke Pines Wal-Mart is suing the retailer after he was bit by a rattlesnake in the garden department. Now it's hard to make a wild animal analogy to this, since being bit by a rattler in Wal-Mart ought to be an analogy to something else. Besides, the guy wasn't exactly too traumatized by the snake, considering this line from the Associated Press article:
But he's been back to Wal-Mart several times, saying their prices are too good to shop elsewhere.
So I guess if I were to get all TV news about this story, I'd write something like: A guy who really likes bargains on stuff made in China was the victim of a shocking snake attack at Wal-Mart. Sorry about the lack of excitement in that sentence, but I seem to have broken my exclamation point button.