U.S. Army Spring Collection Hits Lauderdale Runway; This Season Armor, M60s Are Back!

The  U.S. Army has a recruitment problem. With Norris, Schwarzenegger and Stallone too old to slaughter faceless, incompetent soldiers, the commando's life has lost some of its luster. The thousands of U.S. soldiers who have died in Iraq and Afghanistan haven't helped, either.

So the pressure was on this week at the U.S. Army Winter Symposium, currently in its last day at the Broward County Convention Center. The star attraction yesterday was Lockheed Martin's Joint Light Tactical Vehicle. It's a lame name, but  those clever soldiers will invent a better one -- "whiskey tango" means "white trash," I learned from watching Generation Kill.  Lockheed Martin is one of three finalists vying for a U.S. Defense Department contract that could pay out $20 billion or more over the next decade, depending on whether we invade Iran or China invades us.

The mounted M60 machine gun is a nice touch. And the atrocious gas mileage gives the JLTV a luxury feel. But I'm going to withhold judgment until I get a view of the back, which had better have at least four American flags, a picture of Calvin urinating on the Middle East and a bumper sticker that says Palin 2012.