Crist and Martinez May Endorse Quitting, Gamblers with Fold 'Em Problem Fund Expansion
Categories: Morning Juice
Today, The Juice officially endorses quitters, from those of us who ran out of chips during the
Super Bowl and were unable to finish the cheese dip, to those who choose to bravely walk away from the state's highest offices. Here's to you, Charlie Crist and Mel Martinez, two men big enough to say "enough," to do the political equivalent of passing on passing that eight ball.
That's at least according to the newest news from Tallahassee, which has Martinez walking away from his U.S. Senate seat early. Then, fellow quitter Crist will walk away from his job as governor, allowing his lieutenant gov. to appoint him to the Senate. It's a brilliant round of quitting, the equivalent of, well, actually there's really no real-life equivalent. Because if I quit my job writing morning blogs, the most my successor would appoint me to is the line for food stamps.
After the jump, here's to you, those who don't know when to fold 'em.
Casino Would Add Jobs by Taking Money from Poor
Thanks to those of us who simply can't stop betting at the casino -- I mean, I could pull an ace on 20, for real -- the Seminole Tribe is planning a gigantic expansion that would add 45,000 jobs to the state. All Florida would have to do in return is promise that the state's poorest would put down more money they can't afford on bets that they're statistically sure to lose. But hey, did you hear the Hard Rock is giving away a 1987 Pontiac Fiero or something? I am so doubling down on 20 tonight!
New Service Like Getting Call from Internet Creep
A Fort Lauderdale company is offering a new service that will call your cell when a new sexual predator has moved into your neighborhood. Luckily, the service is already offered online. It's called Craigslist.
Boca Kid Gets Drafted into Israeli Army, Hasn't Learned About Quitting
Usually I read the Jerusalem Post simply for the Hebrew version of Blondie, which is so much funnier. But the paper had a story recently about a kid from Boca who ended up getting drafted into the Israeli army. Ari Blatt tells the paper that his main problem with being in the world's most active military force is that the 22-year-old doesn't speak the language. Ari, there's something you need to know, something you could learn from my failure to finish the queso fundito. You, Ari Blatt, need to know that, when the Israeli army tries to draft you, that's when you pull a Mel Martinez and say you'd like to spend more time with your family. I'm sure Charlie Crist's successor would at least appoint you to the food stamp line.
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That's at least according to the newest news from Tallahassee, which has Martinez walking away from his U.S. Senate seat early. Then, fellow quitter Crist will walk away from his job as governor, allowing his lieutenant gov. to appoint him to the Senate. It's a brilliant round of quitting, the equivalent of, well, actually there's really no real-life equivalent. Because if I quit my job writing morning blogs, the most my successor would appoint me to is the line for food stamps.
After the jump, here's to you, those who don't know when to fold 'em.
Casino Would Add Jobs by Taking Money from Poor
Thanks to those of us who simply can't stop betting at the casino -- I mean, I could pull an ace on 20, for real -- the Seminole Tribe is planning a gigantic expansion that would add 45,000 jobs to the state. All Florida would have to do in return is promise that the state's poorest would put down more money they can't afford on bets that they're statistically sure to lose. But hey, did you hear the Hard Rock is giving away a 1987 Pontiac Fiero or something? I am so doubling down on 20 tonight!
New Service Like Getting Call from Internet Creep
A Fort Lauderdale company is offering a new service that will call your cell when a new sexual predator has moved into your neighborhood. Luckily, the service is already offered online. It's called Craigslist.
Boca Kid Gets Drafted into Israeli Army, Hasn't Learned About Quitting
Usually I read the Jerusalem Post simply for the Hebrew version of Blondie, which is so much funnier. But the paper had a story recently about a kid from Boca who ended up getting drafted into the Israeli army. Ari Blatt tells the paper that his main problem with being in the world's most active military force is that the 22-year-old doesn't speak the language. Ari, there's something you need to know, something you could learn from my failure to finish the queso fundito. You, Ari Blatt, need to know that, when the Israeli army tries to draft you, that's when you pull a Mel Martinez and say you'd like to spend more time with your family. I'm sure Charlie Crist's successor would at least appoint you to the food stamp line.
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