Palm Beach Mafia Goes After Author, Imaginary Classical Fans Fear Symphony's Death

Author Laurence Leamer fears for his safety after penning a book exposing what it's like to live inside the

Don't even think of taking that last spot at the counter.

opulent enclave of Palm Beach. Leamer says some nasty things have been yelled at him and somebody cut him off as he drove into the country club. But the worst of it came the other night at a Palm Beach ball, when, he claims, the city's police chief took him aside and issued this warning:

"Your life may be in danger ... you had better get security."

The reaction to his book has surprised Leamer, but it shouldn't shock anybody who has waited in line at the Palm Beach TooJay's, where you'll learn soon enough not to mess with the Thurston Howell lookalikes. It takes only seconds to make a weapon out of an argyle ascot. And for anybody who has crashed a Palm Beach ball or tried to sneak into the country club, you'll figure out quickly that the buffet's chilled caviar and the champagne swimming pool just aren't worth tomorrow's bail money.

After the jump, rich people face the loss of their oboe players as us commoners marvel at the playfulness of Socks and Whiskers.

Classical Music's In Jeopardy, Kids!

The Concert Association of Florida is preparing to file for bankruptcy, putting into jeopardy the classical music season. This surely comes as terrible news to the young classical music fans out there, or as they're generally known, the classical concert world's imaginary friends.

Journalism Saved By Kitty Playfulness

If all this bad news has you down, take a look at the Palm Beach Post's Kitten Cam. With one single page, the Post has staved off the death of journalism by providing a view into the kitty room at Safe Harbor Animal Shelter. It's the perfect distraction to help me forget about my ascot injury.