Morning Juice: Pranksters Cause Backup of One-Liners

With news like this, we need Horatio.

Shoes, Statue Pranks Work of Criminal Mastermind? Yeah!

An investigation is underway to find out who dumped thousands of shoes all over the Palmetto Expressway this morning. But with only a CSI Miami-style unproven hunch, I'm willing to say that it's the pranksters who stole alleged Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff's statue and returned it with a letter pinned to it. The thieves, who stole the $10,000 statue from the grounds of his Palm Beach estate, left it for cops with this note:

"Bernie the Swindler, Lesson: Return stolen property to rightful owners. Signed by -- The Educators."

Oooh, I am so ready to expand my CSI hunch to say that The Educators are probably a group of troublemakers who are going to bust animals out of the zoo, blow up credit card company buildings, and return the donut holes to all the donuts.

The only thing missing in my CSI hunch is a one-liner from Lt. Horatio Caine that begins every episode. So just imagine here that I'm wearing a suit with no tie, that I'm a complete dickwad, that I'm putting on a pair of sunglasses, and I say, "Looks like the Educators are going barefoot." And The Who says: Yeah!

After the jump, it looks like Elvis' car is leaving the building. Yeah!

Auction of Famous Cars Leads to One More One-Liner

I've always dreamed of becoming an alcoholic millionaire who spends his days embarrassing himself by tripping over antique coffee tables, and this weekend, I can take the first step towards that by buying the Rolls Royce used in the movie Arthur. An auction in Boca Raton will be hawking that Rolls plus a car once owned by Elvis. And Horatio says, "Looks like now all I need is the million dollars." Yeah!

-- Eric Barton