Hurry to Get in on Tobacco Suit, Flight Attendant Aprons Ruin Beer Surprise, James Taylor to Dress Up

A civil suit that goes to trial in Fort Lauderdale today is expected to be the first of a wave of lawsuits against Big Tobacco in Florida courts. The widow of Stuart Hess, a locksmith from Cooper City, sued Phillip Morris after his death in 1997, claiming the cigarettes he bought were defective. About 8,000 other plaintiffs are lined up to sue Big Tobacco, and I'm one of them. Well, technically its my soon-to-be widow.

Now sure, I'm not dead yet, but I'm smoking the crap out of my daily carton of Pall Malls to make sure I get there soon. The thing is, you've got to figure the 7,999th plaintiff is just picking off the bones of the tobacco industry, so I'll be in at the beginning if I can keep this smoking-three-cigarettes-at-once thing going.

After the jump, my Nana helps Spirit Airlines flight attendants.

Flight Attendants Say Logos Ruin Surprise

Flight attendants with Miramar-based Spirit Airlines are pissed that their new aprons will feature logos for beer companies. They're afraid passengers will think they serve beer. Which they do, but what they want is for passengers to be surprised that they do safety checks, show you how to buckle in, and serve beer.

The flight attendants didn't offer up an alternative apron, so I scanned in this 1977 photo of my Nana in her favorite cock-themed apron. Certainly no controversy there.

SunFest to Include Dressed-Up James Taylor

Organizers announced the lineup for this year's SunFest, and it includes: 311, UB40, G. Love & Special Sauce, Spyro Gyra, and American Idol winner David Cook. Before you get all hot about the fact that nobody in that list, aside from a lame TV show winner, has had a hit since about 1993, SunFest is also proud to announce the headliner: James Taylor. Okay, that didn't help my argument, but would you go if I told you James Taylor will be wearing Nana's cock apron? See you there.