Come On, Madoff Victims. You Can Do Better Than That!

It's a good bet that whoever stole the statue next to Bernard Madoff's Palm Beach pool won't be able sell it for more than he's already lost to the alleged investment fraudster. But that probably wasn't the point. It was to give Madoff a taste of his own medicine.

A noble cause. But surely the many victims of this shyster have bigger tricks up their sleeves. Here's a guy who cost investors billions. Madoff is a creative, diabolical mind. It shall take a creative, diabolical plan to avenge his dirty deeds.

Of course, vigilantism is illegal. Two wrongs don't make a right. Et cetera. So with an eye toward preventing crime, we will list a number of crimes that you should not do, even if Madoff cost you your fortune.

* Put Ex-Lax in his Grey Poupon
* 1) Offer to invest his money. 2) Spend his money.
* Put eels in his hot tub
* 1) Become supermodel hot. 2) Contract a social disease, preferably the genital warts. 3) Have sex with Bernie.
* Do this with his cigar:



* Reenact the following scene from The Big Lebowski using Madoff's Rolls Royce:



-- Thomas Francis