Morning Juice: Good Morning America Seeks Rare Sand-Free Workers, Charlie Crist Offers to Give Us Free Exams

^{Try not to seem too drunk when you hand out your resume.}

Job Fair Seeks Rare Dedicated, Sand-Free Workers

Hundreds of desperate job-seekers got in line this morning outside The Diplomat in Hollywood for a job fair put on by Good Morning America. The show's website describes the event this way:

Don't let all the sun and the sand fool you, South Florida, just like the rest of America, is full of hard-working people. We'll be there to help some of those people turn their talents and dedication into new jobs.

Just last night, during my 3 a.m. shift at the pawn shop, some guy was talking about this very thing. Now he was drunk and babbling something about how he should be able to pawn half a bottle of Bud Ice, but I think what he meant to say was "I could find a job, if only I had more talent and dedication." I wish I had known about this fair at the time, because as I was finishing his beer, I would've told him, "Get a job, you shitheel," followed by directions to The Diplomat.

After the jump, more signs that the economic downturn could be like a half-decent present from your secret Santa.


Thieves Use Cardboard to Communicate

Channel 10 posted a timely story on its website today that warns against putting empty boxes out for the trash that would show thieves what you got for Christmas. This might be more true next year after Barack Obama uses the power of the United Nations to cure cancer and buy the nation of China but for now I'd just be happy if my Christmas gifts included empty cardboard boxes.

Crist Offers to Look at that Thing You've Got

Gov. Charlie Crist announced yesterday that he wants 3.8 million uninsured Floridians to have access to health care. I'm going to make some assumptions here, but if you're like me, that means that if you had health care, you'd finally have that thing checked out that grew into that new thing and has taken over control of that one part of your body. Thank you, Charlie, for helping us all remove our new and unwanted appendages.

In the clip below, Crist's health care plan, which is sure to touch you in inappropriate ways, is represented by the airplane captain, while Joey plays the part of Florida's uninsured residents.



-- Eric Barton