Fashion Cop Issues Citations

Well, excuses mean nothing to Clinton Kelly, the style guru from TLC's hit TV show What Not to Wear. Don't tell this handsome fella that your sweatpants and clogs are comfortable. And by no means should you arrive to meet him at the Galleria Mall Macy's wearing workout pants and Crocs. Actually, you should probably just toss those nasty Crocs into the rubbish bin.

Crocs are the main reason that Kelly gave a middle-aged lady named Candy a thorough dress-down in front of the crowd assembled to see him at Macy's on Saturday, November 22. He labeled her entire sloppy get-up as "not-so-sweet." Then he asked whether she had ever had a professional bra-fitting. "I have," Candy responded weakly. Kelly's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "I just haven't bought the right bra yet," she added.

There was more horrid footwear to be had. Upon abandoning a red-faced Candy, Kelly snatched a clunky, sad brown slip-on off the foot of another walking fashion faux-pas. "This looks like a potato," he pronounced. Oh my. How un-sexy. Who would want to sleep with potato-foot lady?

A brief fashion show ensued. A few brave souls stuck around afterward to snap pictures with Kelly, who was autographing copies of his lifestyle tome Freakin' Fabulous. Flip-flops are fine, Kelly said as he looped a large "C" under the words "Wishing you fabulus things." But Miami's love for neon -- uh-uh. No way, Jose. Bury those hot-pink bike shorts and ruffle-sleeved tops inside the same time-capsule that hides your Gloria Estefan LPs.

Above, what NOT to wear when meeting Clinton Kelly at a local fashion show: Spandex pants, a too-tight Tee, and Crocs

Select shiny fabrics to dress up pants, Clinton Kelly suggests. 

A more modern sexy biker look, since apparently we have a bunch of schlumpy-looking ladies down here hugging their men on the backs of hogs.

Sure, this might be a zebra print. But in South Florida, this look screams cougar.