Here's John DeGroot's latest, which is one of his best in terms of turns of phrase (though the time factor might take some of the steam out of its stride):

That no one out there in Pulpland has rallied to my call to Save the Sun-Sentinel (SOSS) grieves me to the very depths of my aging ferndock.

Like where out there is the compassion for Florida’s fastest-shrinking newspaper? (The latest ABC numbers show a 10 percent decline in the newspaper’s readership during the most recent six months.)

Ah well..

Undaunted, I shall carry on with my jihad to Save the Sun-Sentinel by offering its editors a fact-based story idea that might actually interest someone with an IQ higher than a bag of mulch.

Anyhow.

Here goes…

Like this time, I’ll even write the bulk of story.

BROWARD’S BIG BUS BUST
(The Failed Penny Sales Tax)

So. How do you like them gas prices?

Thing is, you can bet your Texas Stetson, or Saudi caftan the Big Pump Thump is gonna get worse and worser.

Until one day you’ll be riding the bus with all the maids and burger flippers. Or peddling your sweating ass off in August.

Because it’s only a matter of time before a gallon of gas will cost more than an ounce of Jamaican Happy.

Which will REALLY twist your

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I think not. There's a debate about it at Romenesko which I find ludicrous. The argument started with this article, which apparently was based on a gripe by Sam Zell, the new Tribune Co. owner. If this is an omen of how Zell thinks, then the Sun-Sentinel and other Trib papers are truly in trouble.

The truth is that Google is actually a great tool for newspapers to build web traffic. And if it's about Google snaring advertising dollars, well, goddamn, it's a free market. It's simple, newspapers need to do a better job to entice advertisers to their websites to overcome the loss of revenue in the printed pages. Getting it done, of course, will take ingenuity. And that's in short supply in the tired newspaper industry.

More on the drowning of Giankarlo Squicimari in Palm Beach, this time from Michael Mayo in the Sun-Sentinel. Mayo reports that there were no lifeguards on the the beach near the Four Seasons Hotel when the riptide took Squicimari and damn near killed a few other people.

Look you don't want to get caught in a riptide. I've been in that position. I'm a fairly strong swimmer, but, like Squicimari, I had a child in my arms. It wasn't a rescue situation; we were pushed out together. It's about as bad a feeling as there is in the world, because you know you're not going to let go of the kid and, at the same time, you know both of you are going to drown. We wouldn't be here today if lifeguards didn't get to us (they first took the child then came back for me) before we were swept under for good.

People drown in these damn riptides every day in Florida, half of them tourists from other places drawn here by the marketing machine. (Read this from last year). What I want to know is why there were no lifeguards there at the time. It's not clear if this was a public beach or a spot of private Four Seasons beach. So you don't know who is responsible, the city or the hotel or the county or what. It just seems like a crime not to have trained lifeguards on the beach just like you would any public swimming pool.

Sunrise City Manager Patrick Salerno was passed over today in his attempt to become the city manager of Sarasota. Among his competitors was Susan Stanton, who was recently fired from Largo after changing her sex. At the time, she was known as Steve Stanton.

The question: Why is Salerno trying to flee Sunrise? The Sarasota job, had he landed it, would have cost him at least $30,000 a year in salary, according to a little profile in the Sarasota Herald-Tribune. Why does he man want to escape?

Another question: Why hasn't his bid to bolt been covered in the local newspapers? The man is one of the most veteran and better-respected city managers in Broward County, even if he does tend "to work too much and prefers to be behind the scenes," as the Herald-Tribune put it. Seems like something that should have been in the papers rather than leaving it for the Pulp to break.

The Palm Beach Post's S.V. Date, who is in Israel with Charlie Crist, reports that the governor suffered a nasty spider bite in Marathon 11 days ago. These brown recluses are nothing to play with. They're tiny little things, the picture there shows one in relation to a quarter, but they pack a punch. Though a nurse apparently shared her belief with Crist that he would die, it sounds like he's doing okay, minus a "divot" in his leg where a doctor cut around the bite. This picture here shows you about what the gov might have had to have dealt with.

After the Jump: Notter, Gilken, and Chili Sauce

Looks like Gremillion is actually taking over six newspapers. Here's his farewell note to staff:

May 29, 2007 TO: Sun-Sentinel Company Employees FROM: Bob Gremillion RE: Farewell

By now you've probably seen the announcement that I am leaving Sun-Sentinel Company and that Howard Greenberg will be your next publisher. Many of you have heard me say that I would never leave this job. We have a great team of dedicated and talented people here. It's hard to believe that I will no longer wake up every day as leader of this newspaper and its impressive portfolio of web sites and targeted publications.I've been given two new assignments with Tribune. As most of you heard during the recent Transformative Change process meetings held throughout Sun-Sentinel Company, one of them is leading the change process within the Tribune Publishing and Interactive groups. Since kicking off the process in March, we have assembled teams of talented and energetic people from across Tribune, who are determined to meet the significant challenges facing our businesses today and transforming our company to help ensure its success tomorrow. Last week, Tribune Chairman, President and CEO Dennis FitzSimons asked me to take on additional responsibility as executive vice president of Tribune Publishing, overseeing the T6 newspaper group (Sun-Sentinel, Orlando Sentinel, Baltimore Sun, Hartford Courant, Morning Call and Daily Press) and working with Tribune Publishing President Scott Smith to manage the Publishing group staff in Chicago. Together, Dennis, Scott and I will lead our newspapers and interactive businesses through this very challenging business climate. The way I look at it, I was able to spend 10 years of my career in one of the best jobs in the newspaper business. Now it's time for me to use the valuable experience that I've gained to help us take Tribune to the next level. At Sun-Sentinel Company, we are very fortunate to have Howard as the next president and CEO and publisher of the Sun-Sentinel. In many ways, Howard and I have worked toward this day for years. He deserves much of the credit for our success to date. No one knows our business, our employees and our community better than Howard. His strong leadership, experience and institutional knowledge will serve us well. I look forward to continuing to work with Howard and his management team. I'm honored to have served as your publisher and glad we're still on the same team working to ensure Tribune's success for years to come.

Sincerely,

Bob

Gosh, all that and he still manages to get in a plug for Transformative Change. I loves me some corn.

After the Jump: Greenberg's note

The South Florida Business Journal is reporting that Howard Greenberg has been promoted to publisher of the Sun-Sentinel while former publisher Robert Gremillion moves up the corporate ladder to oversee four Tribune newspapers.

I don't like it. Gremillion -- who will now be the corporate overlord of the Sun-Sentinel, Orlando Sentinel, Hartford Courant, and Baltimore Sun -- usually managed to strike a balanced tone between the business and editorial sides of the newspaper. Greenberg, on the other hand, is one of the biggest schmoozers in Broward County and is tied at the hip with the Chamber of Commerce and the Broward Alliance, a group of business leaders out to influence elected officials led by builder Terry Stiles. Here's a key passage from a ditty I wrote concerning Greenberg back in 2004:

In the most recent edition of the [Broward Alliance] newsletter, a front-page color picture includes Sun-Sentinel Vice President Howard Greenberg. With dark slicked-back hair and a fecal grin, he's hamming it up with Broward County Mayor Ilene Lieberman, among others. Greenberg, who has served as circulation chief and development director for the newspaper, is currently the alliance's vice chairman and has long sat on the group's board. The Sun-Sentinel is also a member of the Alliance's Investor Council.

It gets worse. In the newsletter, Greenberg is quoted about his recent meetings with county officials on behalf of the alliance. The meetings are "allowing us to gain the trust and respect of each commissioner," Greenberg says, adding that they are also "putting all of us on the same page from a priorities standpoint."

Wait a second -- is the Sun-Sentinel supposed to be on the "same page" as our elected

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Remember Farris Hassan, the teen who made international news when he snuck off to Iraq last year? Well, now he wants to go to Havana and report on the "loser's of Castro's regime," according to the Miami Herald's Frances Robles on her Cuban Colada blog.

Here's part of a pitch Hassan wrote to several newspapers, including the Herald (which turned the poor boy down):

“When I investigate the communist government-run collectivized farms of eastern Cuba, I will work side-by-side with the field labor, sleep in the same shacks as them, and suffer the same hardships as them, so that I will get to feel life in their shoes as much as possible. When I investigate prostitution in Havana, I will spend several days following the life of an individual prostitute, documenting the little details of her wretched life in the context of the wretched existence lived by all Cubans as they struggle to survive in a system where everyone must hustle for hard currency in the form of dollars and euros. “Such immersion in the world of my subjects will give me the elements—vivid setting, dynamic characters, rich dialogue, personal narrative, story progression by scenes—to weave a great story in extraordinary color. And the entire time I will be reporting for you.”

At least the kid has an open mind.

Finally, a personnel move at the Sun-Sentinel to celebrate. In what can only be taken as a rare promising sign, the newspaper has moved columnist Steve Svekis off the Help Team to an unspecified assignment.

Let's hope this is the beginning of the end for that experiment in journo-marketing gone horribly awry. Not that Smilin' Steve wasn't Helpful. Why just last week he advised us to turn down our water heaters. Before that he gave us a primer on mosquito sprays. Prior to that came the memorable lede: "I love me some corn." And who can forget his suggestion that we buy Mom fruits and vegetables on her big day?

Don't blame Svekis -- this is definitely a hate the game situation. It was the Help Team that did it, man. Guy should get an award for sticking it out for 14 months without shooting up a diner or something. Let's just hope his next assignment is one that isn't based on some bogus readers survey.

P.S. To get an idea of what it must have been like to be a Help Team columnist, check out the two comments under the farewell story, both from someone named "Chris" from Fort Myers. Chris is just there to bitch about his satellite TV service. "Could use someones HELP here," he concludes. "Thanks for ANY Help." I'm sure one of the dozen or so Help Team members left jumped into action. ... No?

After the Jump: Earl Maucker and Other Weekend Coverage Highlights

What follows, from John DeGroot, needs no introduction. The man knows how to find interesting statistics and they tend to indicate Florida is on the highway to hell.
Happy Memorial Day Weekend!
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We need to stop blog-flogging the Sun-Sentinel for its tragic fall into the depths of Journalism Lite aka mediocrity.

If for no other reason than the simple human compassion and charity we would extend to the dying on life support, or lost souls trapped on a sinking ship.

True, the captain and officers aboard the Good Sip Sun-Sentinel, are busy tossing the passengers overboard first in a desperate effort to save their hides.

But still…

We would not heap ridicule and scorn on the victims of Darfur just because their government sucks--- so how then can we take shameless delight in the terminal victims of Mother Tribune and her evil stock hustlers?

Thus, in the sweet spirit of mercy and charity, I call upon all men and women of good will to offer up a weekly collection of decent story ideas* for the beleaguered pod souls struggling to survive the current famine of hope at the Sun-Sentinel. (*Ideally with stuff the graphic department can play with ala the Factoids of Editor Earl