The Dolphins brain trust failed to get government funding to help renovate Sun Life Stadium. But that didn't stop them from bringing it hard to the hoop to get the NFL to let them host what will be a milestone game -- Super Bowl L (or, Super Bowl 50, for those of you who haven't boned up on Roman numerals lately).

The NFL decided Tuesday afternoon to go with another city instead.

The Dolphins gave their pitch to the NFL, which included having a football game played on an aircraft carrier, but lost Super Bowl El to San Francisco.

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Florida state attorney Bruce Colton says the charges against Kaitlyn Hunt, the Sebastian River High School student who was arrested on charges of "lewd and lascivious battery of a child 12 to 16 years old" because of her same-sex relationship with a fellow student, will not be dropped.

See also:
- Kaitlyn Hunt, Florida Teen, Arrested and Expelled From School For Gay Relationship

Kaitlyn's family had started a petition,written to Colton, and Assistant State Attorney, Brian Workman, explaining Kaitlyn's story, and pleading for understanding and for them to have the charges dismissed. The petition explains that the two girls began dating when Kaitlyn was 17, and that the other girl's parents are blaming their daughter's homosexuality on Kaitlyn. The petition received 56,500 signatures.

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Shirley Ann Duncan was given over $1,000 in donations, including housewares, clothes and furniture, thanks to the selfless generosity of a Port Charlotte church when she told them that her four sons were killed in combat overseas in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The church even held a memorial service for the fallen heroes.

Also, she only actually has two sons.

Also, none of her sons were actually dead.

Because she lied.

One of them is in the Army, though. That part is true. So it wasn't all complete bullshit.

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Donkey Hotey via Flickr

Bill Koch

"We don't need a Koch problem!" say organizers from 1Miami, who will protest at noon today outside of the Sun-Sentinel's Fort Lauderdale headquarters.

Rumors have been swirling that billionaire conservative brothers Charles and David Koch are in talks to buy the Tribune chain of eight daily newspapers, of which Sun-Sentinel is a part. The Kochs got rich through Koch Industries, an oil refining business started by their father, which reportedly brings in revenues of a hundred billion dollars per year. The brothers have been known to influence politics and policy by funneling massive amounts of money into political campaigns and right-wing causes.

See also:
- Koch Brothers Newspaper sale: Activists Protest in the Streets

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Michelle Braun

In the waning afternoon light, the five-foot-nine blond with Tina Turner lips and Pamela Anderson breasts opened the doorway of her cramped apartment on Boca Place Drive and began to scream.

Standing there beneath the palm trees in the sprawling parking lot was a darkly handsome man with thick, meaty hands named David Fioravanti. Behind the blond, Fioravanti saw a 7-year-old blond girl appear.

"Daddy?" she said.

But before Fioravanti could grab her, the woman went apoplectic. "Tell me your father beats you!" shrieked the 31-year-old Michelle Braun. "Does he beat you? Tell me he beats you!"

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Two Broward women hatched a heinous plot that lured over 140 Haitian immigrants to the U.S. with false promises of a job and a new life for the low low fee of $3,500.

There were no such jobs, and the Haitians who were duped where left to fend for themselves, alone and broke, after being ganked by the two scam artists, according to feds.

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When the mammoth snake creature, spawned in a time and land too unfathomable for words, began tightening its hold around Jason Leon's legs earlier this month in some back woods near Miami, he knew he had one chance.

Jason Leon had to kill this motherfucker.

And kill it good.

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Oh, the media.

Always looking for that juicy story-line to making the NBA playoffs even more riveting than they already are. Especially when LeBron James is involved. Because people hate that guy. And that just means RATINGS BONANZA-PALOOZA!

But when that story-line doesn't present itself, the next best thing is to focus on the matchups and in-game analysis.

Ha. Ha. Just kidding. The next best thing is make shit up and then run with it.

Because, the media.

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It's basically the Final Days of Noah outside right now, thanks to the rain that refuses to stop falling from the sky.

The National Weather Service has issued a flash flood warning for east central Palm Beach County until 4 p.m.

As of 1 this afternoon, about 2,300 FPL customers throughout Palm Beach County were without power.

There are multiple rain-related accidents being reported on I-95.

Boynton Beach, Riviera Beach and coastal areas in northern Palm Beach County are getting slammed with more than 5.5 inches of rain.

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