Blogs

On a recent Thursday night, I was at the Vagabond (30 NE 14th St., downtown Miami) enjoying $1 bottles of Pabst Blue Ribbon. This young woman at the bar asked me if I would walk her to her car. "There is some crackhead standing out there," she said as she stood up and clutched her purse. Her car was right across the street, and I consider myself a gentleman. Plus, when I am drunk, I enjoy informing crackheads that they need to get high on Jesus.

"I am at a party that is out of this world," said the alleged crackhead as we approached the woman's Toyota. He continued, "I am a forensic scientist motherfucker. You in the heart of the ghetto, and I can't even get a drink at that club. Obama ain't really doing shit for me."

He pointed his finger towards the sky and exclaimed, "They know all the tricks of the trade out here. You have a partnership in the big crack house." The young woman started her car and drove away. "You need and iPod or an iPhone? How about a new Bowflex?" he continued to address me. "I'm an inventor."

He pointed to his chest. "Anything you want, 'CrackHead Black Belt' can get ya."

To make a long story short, I met him at the same location the following night, and purchased the contraption that I am wearing on my head in the video above. Special thanks to Sam Hamovitch, the "biggest boss that I've seen thus far" (lmfao).