You Know You're From Fort Lauderdale When...

Categories: Useless Lists
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Flickr.com
This corner wasn't always the home of a Hustler.
Fort Lauderdale isn't only a tourist town. Sure, we've got the beach and frozen-drink bars, but this city has always been packed full of locals-only spots. Maybe you have fond memories of dancing the night away at the Squeeze. Or you remember shopping for records where a Hustler store now resides. To show off our Fort Lauderdale pride, we've compiled a list only a true local would appreciate. Feel free to add your own below.

To start things off, you know you're from Fort Lauderdale when...

10. You've been to a show at the Edge.

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Russell Brand to Host MTV Movie Awards; We Want Someone Else

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Since its beginning in 1992, the MTV Movie Awards has had a slew of great and not so great hosts. Dennis Miller, Eddie Murphy, and Mike Myers were among some of the good picks. However, Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Alba were a bit of a snooze.

This year, MTV has decided to go with its two time VMA host and comedian/actor Russell Brand. While his British humor and big screen antics are worth a few laughs, we're totally over him hosting another MTV awards show. We think it's time to give someone else a go at it.

Check out our list of picks after the jump.


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Top Five Songs for Jumping Rope


This week's New Times cover story explores the world of competitive jump rope in South Florida. Whether you're doing backflips or simply trying not to trip, jumping rope is always more fun with a soundtrack. Here's a sample of the eclectic mix we heard while reporting the story:

"Hello," Martin Solveig and Dragonette

"Cotton-Eyed Joe," Rednex
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Five Cinco De Mayo Parties This Saturday

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Public domain photo via Wikimedia Commons
Margaritas, anyone?
Like it or not, for most people, Cinco de Mayo is celebrated as culturally correctly (or as historically educated) as St. Patrick's Day. Pretty much, it's just another excuse to drink theme-appropriate booze and maybe take part in some vaguely Mexican-themed festivities. Well... Crack out the tequila, right? If you need another shield for daytime and/or excessive drinking, here are five worthy events at which to booze away Saturday's holiday.

Fort Lauderdale's Largest Cinco De Mayo Block Party: No surprise here -- the Himmarshee bar district is hosting its own multi-venue, indoor-outdoor party starting at 5 p.m. Enjoy live music of the mariachi and non-mariachi types, and imbibe at 10 outdoor bars. (New Times is a sponsor of this event.) Admission is free. Click here.
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The Mighty Mighty Bosstones Hit SunFest in West Palm Beach

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Portlandia might try and stab in the dark at getting you reminiscing about the '90s (1890s and 1990s), but nothing gets you hopping into the old time machine like a good old fashioned set of delicious and pleasurably guilty whatever wave of ska. Well, not so much whatever wave. In those idyllic early years of the 1990s, ska was king and plaid clothes the norm.

Punks would put their hawks down and go out dancing, skins would press their Fred Perry polos and swing out with their Chelsea-cut girls and rastas would speed up their bobs. Ah, yes, the early '90s ska scene was a somewhat harmonious one, wasn't it? And while Florida had its fair share of bands like The Jive Step Bunch, Baccone Dolce, Magadog, and Miami darlings Against All Authority, one of the few bands on the national scale who was making waves was the Mighty Mighty Bosstones.

And here, 29 years after forming, the plaid-clad freaks from New England are still at it with more gusto than ever!

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Getting Deep: Musical Examples of "The Crossroads" and Beyond

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Michael T. Wilcox
Karp and Foley: To the Crossroads...and beyond! The pair plays the Bamboo Room on May 12.

"The Crossroads" is a place where most of us find ourselves fairly regularly. They are characterized by a demand to make a decision to head down one of several divergent paths. Should we break up with so and so? Move to a new town? Abandon our current career direction? Or, it could be less heavy than all that: Should we have pinto or black beans with our meal?

Here is some helpful advice when it comes to being in such a predicament: black beans tend to be better in Cuban food, while pintos tend to be the way to go if you're eating Mexican.

As for the other scenarios, the best advice is probably to relax as much as possible before taking a step one way or the other, and then to not worry so much after the decision has been made, as all the paths lead toward the grave anyway. (Yep, that's a paragraph that discusses beans and death.)

In American music, the Crossroads have been a popular topic ever since legendary bluesman Robert Johnson went there purposely to trade his soul to the devil in exchange for crazy guitar skills. The deal apparently went down, because Johnson went on to become one of the most influential guitarists of all time. And, his followers have not only honored him through their guitar work, but also by paying homage to the place where he hooked up with Satan and got his mind-blowing chops.


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Train's "Drive By" and Other Love Songs With Social Networking References

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Recently, I heard Train's new song "Drive By," and for whatever reason, I let the radio play it all the way through. However, at one point, the lyric "My love for you went viral" caught my attention.

A myriad of questions suddenly flooded my brain. Did a band really make a social networking reference in a love song? Is that what we're reduced to nowadays? And are there other songs out there doing the same thing?

Although we're missing the days of love ballads like "Always" and "Keep on Loving You," we honestly can't deny our love for Twitter and Facebook. So we've compiled a list of love songs that make references to social networking websites.
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4/20: A Short and Heavy Stroll Down Stoner-Rock Lane

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Here we are, another year, another April, and another April 20. Does this mean anything to you? Should it? Aren't most holidays really just a bunch of nonholidays anyways? Do you feel a little Irish when St. Patrick's comes about? Do you claim to be an observant Jew when Yom Kippur rolls around? Did you try to pull a Kwanzaa stunt this past winter season as a means to scrim on that paperwork your boss demanded?

In the end, holidays are holidays, and sometimes they are just so to a specialized crowd. This 4/20 thing, let's be honest, like stoners need a recognizable date to celebrate? Could they even remember through the sticky haze? Do you care? Do we even care, for that matter? No. But to us, this is just another wonderful excuse to put up some relevant music videos for you to enjoy at work or home (certainly not school, because County Grind supports your educational endeavors to the fullest, even if you're half-baked at the moment).

So instead of the usual Rasta-oriented music, let's take a short stroll through stoner-rock history after the jump!

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Five Reasons Why We Want Britney Spears on the X-Factor

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Every now and then, Britney Spears makes an attempt to get back into the limelight. Whether it be with an album or a shaved head, she manages to keep her name in our circles of celebrity gossip.

Once again, she's making her way back into the spotlight, but this time it's going to be on television as a judge on the X-Factor. Over the past few weeks, there has been a constant discussion about whether she's going to sign a $15 million contract with the show. We're still not sure what the big debate is about, because honestly, what else is Spears doing? But despite her knack for train-wrecking on live television and in public, we're still standing in Britney Spears' corner.

So, with our fingers crossed, we've compiled a list of five reasons why we want Britney Spears as a judge on the X-Factor.
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Uno, Dos, Tres: Top 5 Ways Green Day Has Sold Out the Punx

Categories: Useless Lists
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Has Green Day lost all of its punk points?
In the wake of Nirvana, the major-label punk-rock gold rush of the '90s ripped open the underground like a vulture picking at a fresh carcass. And with their acclaimed, multiplatinum breakthrough, Dookie, Green Day were the ultimate symbol of moving from the secret world of house shows and Food Not Bombs to the egregious swank of Green Room culture.

Ever since, it seems like Billie Joe Armstrong, Tre Cool, and Mike Dirnt have been hellbent on committing every nonpunk act in the book. They've even announced a new concept album trilogy -- titled, respectively, Uno, Dos, and Tres. Didn't these guys learn anything from the Clash's Sandinista? Punks hate concept albums and trilogies.

This kind of baiting is nothing new. Check out or top five indulgences after the jump. More >>
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