George Martinez

Ultra Music Festival is riding the untz train back into town! You can already hear the pounding of furry boots, feel the shake of bass in your chattering teeth. Sure, it's almost a year off, but the massive EDM bash already announced the time and date of their 2014 ticket sales.

The 16th annual fest will take place March 28 to 30, 2014 with about 300,000 crazed ravers PLURing hard as fudge at Bayfront Park in Miami. The acts have yet to be announced.

See also
- Full New Times Ultra Music Festival Coverage

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Azealia Banks clearly worked the shit out of the second weekend of Ultra 2013 in her newly released video for "No Problems." Originally a diss track aimed at Angel Haze, the song takes on new meaning sung amidst the empty wide eyes, glowing ensembles, and sweaty pits of UMF partiers.

Banks is clearly having a ball in this footage. She cakes a silly girl in an UMF inner tube from Steve Aoki's stage, painting her lips with the leftover grub. She swings her arms around and sings into a crystal-studded cell phone, silhouetted against Biscayne Bay. And to close out the video, with her arm around Diplo, he refers to himself as a "big white star."

See also
- Steve Aoki and Azari & III Talk GHB, Cake, and Show Some Speedo Ass (VIDEO)
- Ultra 2013: Five Best Moments, From Snoop to Naked Dudes and 70-Year-Old Ravers
- New Times' 2013 Ultra Music Festival Coverage

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The entire of South Florida -- we're talking the people, the streets, the ocean -- heaved a sigh of relief after two weekends of EDM intensity came to an end when Ultra Music Festival finally closed the gates to their entirely-too-long rave.

For those who didn't attend, there isn't much evidence of what goes on inside, except for the slideshows and commentary we offered you from down the rabbit hole. What did surface, however, is an incredibly innovative man dressed as a tube of toothpaste doing some of the most incredible dance moves we've seen with un-dilated pupils.

We're talking brushing his balls good. Here is the video and five reasons this should go viral.

See also
- Ultra 2013 Slam Book: Best Bieber, Grossest Pervert, Weirdest Costume, and 13 More!
- Ultra Music Festival Announces 2014 Dates
- Top 12 Hardcore Ravers at Ultra 2013 in Animated GIF!
- Top Ten Twerking, Sexy Dancing Ravers at Ultra 2013 in Animated GIF!

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Photo by George Martinez

Molly Casa, AKA Miami's PLUR Mama.

Wassup, Miami! And all you foreigners breathing our air.

We here at New Times are covering all your Ultra Music Festival shenanigans. And we'd be remiss if we didn't chronicle the adventures of the PLUR nation's royal queen, Molly Casa of the 305.

She's that gorgeous monster stomping around in kandi bracelets and a tribal headdress, spreading peace, love, and understanding. She's a PLUR warrior on the front lines of humanity's fight against bullshit. And she's covered in bead magick, from head to toe.

Each and every day of Ultra 2013, we'll be tracking down this raver celeb to snap a pic of her unique look and get the skinny on what's what with UMF, the PLUR nation, and more.

Look no further, Miami. You wanted Molly, and we've got her. 
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Photos - Jacob Katel

Welcom to Twerklandia

Getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha freak on!

We all know that there are lots of ways to become immortalized at a massive outdoor music gathering like Ultra Music Festival. Say, humping a tree. Or dancing naked while getting arrested.

But yo' momma would probably prefer if you lived forever among these top ten twerking, Harlem Shake-ing ravers at Ultra 2013 in animated GIF!

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The end of any Ultra Music Festival weekend is when things start to get real.

After three full days of dancing and pounding music, mostly in the sun, only the strongest make it to the end, and even they can get cranky. So while positive vibes ruled over 99 percent of the festival, as Swedish House Mafia's last show ever (and the final main stage set of Ultra 2013) approached, things got kind of ugly in the middle of the crowd.

See also:
-Avicii Does Country Music and Eric Prydz Proclaims "Love You" UMF!
-Ultra 2013: Slash Does Surprise Guitar Solo, "Pretty Awesome Gig"
-Deadmau5 Proves He's a Real Person, Rejects the Easy Headliner Gimmicks
-Ultra 2013: Richie Hawtin Delivers Sensory Overload, No Bottle Anthems
-Ten Hours Trapped at the Trapped Stage With Flosstradamus, Baauer, UZ
-Hot Chip "Do It, Do It, Do It" for a Disappointingly Small Crowd

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Photo by Liz Tracy

16. Best Bieber
At first we thought: "Holy shit! That's Justin Bieber at Ultra! Wow! This is better than Madge's crash (and burn) last year!"

Alas! It was merely a cardboard likeness of our favorite pothead newbie. But for desperate Bieber fans like us, any Bieb'll do.

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The uhntz-uhntz hasn't even died down.

But just minutes after wrapping its six-day 2013 edition with Swedish House Mafia's last show ever, Ultra Music Festival has already announced a plan for next year's insane EDM extravaganza.

"See you all next year at Ultra Music Festival 2014!" the fest's organizers tweeted, adding, "Thanks for making history with us!"

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Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

After going all country music on Ultra 2013 this weekend, Avicii's taking vacay for a day. (At least until it's time to return to UMF tonight and "come, rave, love" one last time with his countrymen in SHM.) And it's totally obvious where the Swede is sleeping and showering ...

His own Avicii Hotel, the most luxurious EDM crash pad ever contrived for Ultra Music Festival, Winter Music Conference, and Miami Music Week.

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Via statigr.am/jasonmallia

How quickly some stars have ascended in the EDM boom. Just a few years ago, in 2009, Toronto-based producer Deadmau5 could be found at Ultra Music Festival on the live stage, essentially opening up for Simian Mobile Disco. Last night, though, trying to get the main stage to witness his fest-closing set was an exercise in carefully ignoring claustrophobia.

Tens of thousands of revelers squished body to body in the surrounding field, sharing sweat and vibes as they cheered, recorded, and Instagram-ed Joel Zimmerman's every move. Seriously, Deadmau5 could have showed up and played a polka and kids would have still gone insane, by their level of rapt, devout attentiveness.

See also
- Ultra 2013: Kaskade and Tiesto Kick Off UMF's Weekend Two, Reach Epic Pop Peaks
- Ultra 2013: Avicii Does Country Music and Eric Prydz Proclaims "Love You" UMF!
- Ultra 2013: Slash Does Surprise Guitar Solo, Crashes Chuckie's Set, "Pretty Awesome Gig"
- Ultra 2013: Yeasayer Insulted the Ravers While Matt & Kim Charmed Them

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