18 Signs Your Band Might Suck

Nickelback knows how to suck in style.

It's been about a year now since you've been plugging away with your garage rock band, sweating in a non-air-conditioned warehouse space, and losing sleep over late-night practices. Mostly it's resulted only in your showing up late for your retail gig at Urban Outfitters. All this time, and you and your group of guys or gals have yet to reap the benefits of all that hard work. What gives? Is there something wrong with your sound? Maybe you just need a bassist with more oomph? Or is it that audiences just don't get what you are going for?

These are all valid questions, but which one is the reason you haven't blown up yet? How many more gigs can you perform for audiences of two or three? It's getting frustrating for sure, but no worries -- County Grind is always here to help. We got together with a few local notable musicians and crafted this nifty checklist to help you find out if it's just that your band sucks.

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Six Coolest New Clubs and Bars in Fort Lauderdale and West Palm Beach

Ian Witlen

South Florida's nightlife scene can be fickle. What once was your favorite EDM/alterna-electro joint flipped to a merengue and bachata club overnight. Sure, the beats are still good, but you haven't the slightest idea how to move your hips so fluidly. And you miss your favorite DJs. Where did they go?

It's a world that's hard to keep track of, packed with dozens of surprises and great lighting. This past year, a bevy of new clubs and bars has arisen. Some of our favorite spots shuttered their doors, sure, but we've compiled a list of the top six new clubs in Broward and Palm Beach counties to help you, dear reader, find a new hangout to get down.

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The Ten People You'll Meet Out in Hollywood, Florida

Michele Sandberg

Oh, Hollywood, Florida, that mysterious land just north of the Miami madness. It has its fair share of lovable freaks. Some of us here at County Grind call it home, and we're endlessly intrigued by its curious mix of characters.

To know the city is to know its people, and through some intensive people-watching exercises, we've narrowed it down to ten "types" that inhabit Hollywood's parts. Admittedly, we've generalized a bit, but we can definitely say that everyone there is at least a variation of one of these archetypes, ourselves included.

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A Punk Mixtape for a Very Loud Valentine's Day

Look at these lovebirds.

Here at the Grind, we're never short of excuses when it comes to sharing music with our fine readers, and today's video playlist is thematically in tune with the goodwill of Valentine's Day and charged with the punk rock energy you'll want for when the date's over and the lights turn down. So get your scented candles ready, pick out some nice floral arrangement, and take your significant other somewhere decent and quiet where you can devote your time to a good meal, good conversation, and to losing yourself in the serenity of their eyes.

Happy Valentine's Day and thank you for your continued readership!

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Top Ten Pickup Spots in Fort Lauderdale

Monica McGivern

A couple of weeks ago, we chronicled the top pickup spots in Palm Beach County, locales where singles feeling frisky, risky, and perhaps a wee bit kinky can freely frolic. We highlighted some obvious choices -- like Blue Martini (because, c'mon, it's universal knowledge this higher-end martini bar is a notorious place to try to score) and some less recognizable spots -- such as Delray Beach's Lake Ida dog park. The idea was to cover all the bases where singles can best snatch up fellow singles.

This week, we look at what Broward County has to offer to all the enterprising unattached out there. BroCo, you knew we wouldn't blow you off. So from Deerfield Beach's oceanside dives to Hollywood's Young Circle haunts, after the jump, read our list of Broward County's best destinations to "get lucky."

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Top Ten Signs You're a Music Snob

Categories: Talking Shit

We all have a friend or two who still dress like it's 1995 but with skinny jeans. They usually have on thick-rimmed glasses and wear T-shirts of bands you've never heard of. The dude or chick carries around all their synthy equipment in their trunk, just in case inspiration strikes at Sunday dinner with their grandma. They seem to know everything and anything about music and are constantly offering unsolicited band recommendations. They own everything on vinyl and have "heard of" every band before they got famous. Yes, that smug, self-satisfied music snob we all love to hate but can't shake.

The thing about music snobs is, they'll never 'fess up as such. Self-identification seems to jeopardize their validity as true highbrow musical connoisseurs. So, who knows, you might even be one and not know it! You need some sort of tester to see if you actually are a music snob. That's where we step in. We've drafted a brief but useful list to help those unaware smarty pants identify themselves. Find out if you're as obnoxious as your whole family thinks you are.

See also: Five Douchiest Things Music Snobs Say

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Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers Are More Alike Than You Think

Categories: Talking Shit

Photo by Aline Camargo via Flickr Commons
One of the greatest sporting events in the US takes place this weekend -- and we're not talking about the Puppy Bowl. As cute as those canines are, we'll prob skip them for the Super Bowl, or as Stephen Colbert calls it, Superb Owl.

And while it's awesome to see manly men in tight spandex roll around on the floor after a pigskin ball, some of us are more into important things, like million dollar commercials and the music spectacle that is the halftime show. This year, cock-sock donners Red Hot Chili Peppers and the ever-so-sultry Bruno Mars will be performing. "But they have nothing in common," you may be whining. But no, in fact, we came up with six ways they are alike. Take a gander, sports fans.

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Six More Best LGBT Punk Bands

Chainlink 'cocks: Phil Barker (left), Tony Barber, Pete Shelley, and Steve Diggle.

A couple of weeks ago, I offered a list of ten LGBT punk bands using my usual scientific approach that meets my memory's criteria. While I fervently appreciate all of your clicks on the blog, I also appreciate those who took the time to jog my memory with some obvious choices that were left out of the proceedings. We here at County Grind aim to please, and today we will correctify all wrong-doings by offering six more LGBT bands of your suggesting!

Last time I got a little cheeky and threw Madonna into the list as a bonus, in today's blog I promise no such nonsense, I've been warned sternly by my handlers and Madge's people. There is a time and place for cheekiness and County Grind is not one for such shenanigans. No siree! We strive for a little humor and musical journeys you might not undertake on your own, we certainly mean no disrespect.

See also: Top Ten LGBT Punk Rock Bands
Top 50 Punk Bands, a State by State Breakdown

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Top Ten Pickup Spots in Palm Beach County

Categories: Talking Shit

Alex Markow

The single life. It can be a tumultuous time, particularly when you're young. By design, it usually involves awkward "plenty of fish" conversations, uncomfortable first dates, barely satisfying one night stands, nacho cheese, and fake cell phone numbers written on napkins. All the while, you see pictures of your "happily married" friends busting out babies like nobody's business and building that new extension to their immaculate two-story dream house.

But let's be honest, there is still something so inherently thrilling about the chase, about the prospect of meeting one's soul mate, or at least finding a warm cozy body to snuggle with -- if just for one night. Some singles wouldn't trade it for the world, and some married folks look at their single friends, and the endless pictures of wild nights with busty blonds, with endless scorn.

So let's all relish in singlehood, and all the ups and downs that come along with the ride. For those still "living the life," County Grind has amassed a nice collection of the best places to play the game for a night. After the jump, read our list of the top ten pickup joints in Palm Beach County.

See also: Top Ten Bars to Find a Sugar Mama in Fort Lauderdale and Palm Beach County

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Jordy Asher Finally Admits He Is Boots

Categories: Talking Shit

Boot's Soundcloud

Last month, we broke a story speculating on the identity of a newcomer to the scene called Boots. He seemingly came out of nowhere to produce Beyoncé's new mega surprise visual album. Some photos posted on Buzzfeed revealed a dead ringer for Broward native Asher. Or perhaps he had a doppelganger?

We couldn't say for sure. We couldn't really. You see, we reached Asher for comment, and he was more than just a little reluctant to go on the record. But one thing was for sure: It certainly appeared that Asher was Boots.

Yes, Asher, whose career we've been following steadfastly on these pages, from his days cutting his teeth with the walloping Stonefox to groups like Blond Fuzz and the more experimental outfit Young Circles to his time in the Big Apple making a name for himself with his duo Blonds.

But instead of coming clean with his loyal local paper, Asher decided to speak to truth about his mysterious nom de plume Boots with Pitchfork yesterday.

See also: Is Beyoncé's Mystery Producer Boots Jordy Asher?

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