Useless Lists

Amanda Bynes, a Rapper? Five Songs She Should Write Based Mostly on Tweets

By Natalya Jones Fri., Jun. 14 2013 at 9:58 AM
Categories: Talking Shit, Tweet Tweet Tweet, Useless Lists

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Amanda Bynes, former Nickelodeon cutie, "inventor" of LOL, Twitter monster, and childish celebrity disser, can add aspiring rap star to her list of titles as of this week. Already, Chinga Chang Records roped this controversial, and some might say crazed, retired actress to their label.

Oddly enough, becoming a hip-hop artist is one of the least insane things Bynes has done lately. Based on her bad behavior and manic tweets, here are five songs we imagine Amanda Bynes writing for herself and rapping the shit out of.

See also
- Ten Craziest Photos of Amanda Bynes


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Good Ideas

Pussy Riot: A Punk Prayer Highlights Cultural Divide

By C. Townsend Rizzo Tue., Jun. 11 2013 at 12:39 PM
Categories: Good Ideas, Talking Shit

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HBO

It's no new news that the first amendment of the United States Constitution protects our right to free speech, press, religion, and peaceful assembly.

Though reasonable and righteous, it has become a crutch of complacency. Everybody has something to say, but generally, they're only making a weak case about America's cultural impetuses.

Every now and then, someone or something from a distant and more oppressive land than ours, surfaces to serve as a reminder that regardless of the literal translation of a word, the cultural context of the thing reaps the greatest impact. Last night's HBO premiere of Pussy Riot: A Punk Prayer, the first in a series of summer documentaries for the network, serves as the most significant and relatable discussion of cultural context and deconstruction in the world today.


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Talking Shit

A Letter to Gus Wenner on His New Position as Editor of RollingStone.com

By Esther Park Tue., May 21 2013 at 8:26 AM
Categories: Talking Shit

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Gus Wenner's Facebook
Gus may look like a baby but... Well, OK, he's still a baby.
From: Esther Park
Date: Mon, May 20, 2013 at 8:07 PM
Subject: Dear Gus, please hire me!
To: Gus Wenner

Dear Gus,

So I heard the epic news over the myriads of nasty Twitter handles (#gussucks #spoiledbrat #daddysboy #guscantwrite #guscantread) and Gawker newsfeed spewing much haterade towards your new appointment as the editor-in-chief at RollingStone.com.

First off, congratulations on the BIG COUP! I mean, you deserve it. Clearly, your Tumblr and Facebook feed was just a small window into the unlimited depths of your journalistic soul. Granted, the job description on the Wenner Media LLC website clearly showed that you needed: 7+ years experience as lead web editor with the ability to conceive, assign and edit high-level pieces that cover the world of pop music and pop culture.

But folks forget that at the tender age of 10, you were on your first apprentice assignment with the late Hunter S. Thompson. And as you covered the war in Libya...


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Talking Shit

Lil' Wayne and Trick Daddy King of Diamonds Beef Update (PHOTOS)

By Liz Tracy Thu., Apr. 11 2013 at 3:07 PM
Categories: Talking Shit
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Did Miami Heat-hater Lil' Wayne and the 305 Mayor Trick Daddy get into a cigarette-flickin' brawl  at King of Diamonds on Tuesday night? 

Miami New Times' Crossfade reported that while an anonymous source close to Trick said he sent Wayne "packing like a little bitch," Disco Rick of KOD announced that "Lil Wayne is KOD" and that the fight rumors are all bullshit.  

TMZ is clarifying the sitch, reporting that things did definitely got -- what they sometimes tend to get at the strip club -- ugly. 

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Talking Shit

Trick Daddy to Lil Wayne at Mack Maine's King of Diamonds Birthday Booby Bash: "GTFO!"

By Matt Preira Wed., Apr. 10 2013 at 1:43 PM
Categories: News, Talking Shit
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Trick Daddy, AKA Miami-Dade's unofficial mayor. 
Back in 1999, a still-babyfaced Lil Wayne declared on his debut album that "Tha Block" was "hot." We have a feeling young Weezy had no idea that circa 2013, the block would be damned near boiling!

In fact, Wayne's water has never been warmer, and the skies around the Cash Money Young Money castle compound have never been grayer. 

The beef started brewing back in February, when the rapper got into a heated staring match with a heckling fan at a Miami Heat basketball game. Birdman Junior then proceeded to insult the Heat's Big Three and took a bonus shot implying he had gotten freaky with Mrs. Chris Bosh. 

Well, Wayne didn't just piss off the Heat, Pitbull, and the entirety of Miami-Dade County while accruing enough bad karma to finally OD on cough syrup. No, CMYM's flagship artist is now formally at war with our sprawling municipalities' mayor. 

And we're not talking about that Sylvester Jabrone of a public official, Carlos Gimenez. 
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Lil Wayne, Mack Maine, Trick Daddy, YMCM
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Talking Shit

Jimi Hendrix Albums Possibly to Be Released in the Future

By David Rolland Wed., Apr. 10 2013 at 9:00 AM
Categories: Talking Shit
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Jimi Hendrix has a new album out. And no, we're not talking about Jimi Hendrix, the Korean YouTube dance sensation, but the Jimi Hendrix from Woodstock who lit his guitar on fire and died 43 years ago. 

The New York Times reports that Ed Kramer, who produced Hendrix's newest album, People, Hell, & Angels, said before the release, "We strongly felt this would be the last of the studio albums, and we are not going to do any more studio albums after this." This seems like an obvious statement about a musician who has not taken a breath in more than four decades.

But that was before People, Hell, & Angels debuted as the number-two album on the Billboard charts last month. Now we have a list of potential release dates for new Hendrix albums to milk the wallets, er, we mean, fill the insatiable demand for new work from one of our greatest guitarists. Here are a few Hendrix albums we anticipate being released sometime in the not-so-near future.

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Talking Shit

AbdeCaf Confirms, All Ukrainians Are "Badasses"

By Alex Rendon Tue., Apr. 9 2013 at 8:23 AM
Categories: Talking Shit
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AbdeCaf -- whose moniker is reminiscent of a Scantron -- is the stage name of 21-year-old, Ukrainian-born, Miami-raised producer Rostislav "Steve" Vaynshtok. The beatmaker dishes out ethereal electro. He's a sweeping one-man digital act that, like the name itself, challenges listeners' receptors. Conscious chillwave, if you will.

AbdeCaf is prolific, yielding two solo EPs, Unravel Rebuild and #MAGICALPOWERS, in just the past year. His squiggly masterpiece "Feed Your Brain" found a kind ear in mega DJ Diplo, who follows AbdeCaf on Soundcloud. If that's not enough of an indicator that this kid is on the right track, talent agency William Morris took on AbdeCaf, booking rights for his shows. 

A blog darling from the get-go, Vaynshtok is getting pretty big-time in the indietronica scene. And thanks to the tastemakers at Subculture and 3J Hospitality, AbdeCaf's sweet, serene EDM will be filling the room at the Revolution Live compound during the first Block x Blog Festival.

As one of the few Ukrainians in the South Florida scene, AbdeCaf is a thing of cultural mystery. We admit, our knowledge of Vaynshtok's birth country is limited. It was part of the USSR at one point, and it's pretty damned cold up there, but beyond that, we're at a loss. We asked Vaynshtok to discuss common misconceptions of his native land.

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Celebrity Proclamations

Ray J Addresses Kanye West in Kim Kardashian Diss Track: "I Hit It First"

By Matt Preira Mon., Apr. 8 2013 at 1:05 PM
Categories: Celebrity Proclamations, Talking Shit
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Did Ray J write "I Hit It First" because he is still hung up on Kim K? Or is he just milkin' the last of that sex tape relevancy? Wait, who the fuck is Ray J again?   
As millennials -- the underemployed, overeducated, and generally worthless young adults of today's North America -- we will always have a special place in our heart for Pamela Anderson's sex tape with Tommy Lee. 

Not that we've seen it. OK, fine, we've seen it. And you know what? It's not even that fucking good! Tommy Lee is more than kind of a little gross, and most of the damned video is lovey-dovey, shmoopy couple bullshit. Ain't nobody got time for that!

But it was the first time we ever even began to consider that anybody -- never mind many of the most famous people in the world -- film themselves getting they swerveses on. 

At this point, the phenomenon is old hat. Your grandmother and your children have all seen Kim Kardashian repeatedly fake an orgasm while Ray J slurps on her nostrils. 

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Talking Shit

Hayden Panettiere's Florida Romp With Boyfriend Wladimir Klitschko in Instagram Pictures

By Liz Tracy Wed., Apr. 3 2013 at 9:38 AM
Categories: Talking Shit
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Instagram via haydenpanettierefan
Hayden Panettiere may play one of the nastiest, most manipulative divas in the history of fake country musicians on Nashville, but from the looks of photos from her Easter trip to Florida, she seems like a smiley gal who just wants a tan.

In an attempt to uncover the real Panettiere, we cyberstalked her fan pics on Instagram and created a narrative of what occurred over the past few days on her South Florida vacay with behemoth boxer boyfriend, and possible fiancé, Wladimir Klitschko. Everyone's speculating they're engaged because she's wearing a ring, but it's on her right hand, not left. He's Ukrainian, so maybe that's what "they" do over there. Or maybe she's just wearing a ring.

Our food blog Clean Plate Charlie reported yesterday it they spotted the starlet at Off the Hookah on Monday night at the Life's a Drag party, complete with, well, drag queens and fans and drag-queen fans. But more on that in our photo diary of Hayden's South Florida holiday.

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Talking Shit

Breastaurant Playlist: Songs About Boobies

By Abel Folgar Wed., Mar. 6 2013 at 6:36 AM
Categories: NSFW?, Talking Shit, Useless Lists, Video
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Yum! No substitutions please!

Breastaurants are not new. Marrying the appeal of breasts with suds and grilled meats dates back to the dawn of man. Organized versions of this traditional method of consumption can probably be traced back to the early '80s and the introduction of the Hooters franchise. And while that franchise has largely shunned the remarkably awesome tackiness of its past, two relatively younger franchises will be opening in our backyard soon to pick up the slack.

Described as a Scottish version of Hooters, the Tilted Kilt promises traditional Scottish fare like mozzarella sticks and nachos, anachronisms that will surely be ignored by the reflected lighting on supple female flesh. The spicy chipotle chicken at the other newcomer, the Twin Peaks restaurant is closer to truth in advertisement... don't expect Audrey Horne twisting anything in her mouth here, but expect a lot of wood chopped with those lumber-gal outfits.

See also:
- Breastaurants Will Be Hitting Up Hallandale and Weston in the Coming Months UPDATED

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