Five Other Ways U2 Might Impose Its Music Upon Us

Categories: Is It Wrong?


Two weeks ago, 500 million iTunes users found the new U2 album Songs of Innocence downloaded into their libraries. There's been a certain amount of backlash against U2 and Apple for this move. First, because if you don't want the album, it is very complicated to get it off of your device. Secondly, because it is always creepy to know machines can do things without your permission.

U2, of course, sees things differently. U2 sees itself as God's gift to your ears and knows us plebeians should be grateful that it has blessed us with its songs period. Maybe this isn't the end of U2's assault on our everyday lives. Maybe it has more plans to take over every aspect of our worlds. Here are five possible ways U2 could accomplish the good deed of making certain that we will listen to its music always, whether we'd like to or not.

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Dave Matthews' Five Most Unlikely Musical Collaborations

Photo by Danny Clinch

Short of the Grateful Dead and the Beatles, no musical act has a more loyal fan base than Dave Matthews Band. Since its founding 23 years ago in Virginia, DMB has packed venues large and small. This year is no different. The band returns to South Florida's Cruzan Amphitheatre with two back-to-back shows. The diehards who continually attend the group's shows don't turn out just to hear frontman and namesake Dave croon and pluck his guitar; they're also eager to catch founding bassist Stefan Lessard, original drummer Carter Beauford, saxophonist Jeff Coffin, guitarist Tim Reynolds, trumpeter Rashawn Ross, and especially violinist Boyd Tinsley -- who is arguably the most crucial ingredient in the band's distinct sound.

But beyond the regulars, another draw is that you never know who might show up onstage to jam or sing. From international influences like South African trumpeter Hugh Masekela to banjo legend Bela Fleck to Pearl Jam guitarist Mike McCready, DMB is always ready to share the spotlight with a varied assortment of guests. In the band's communal spirit, we look back at five of the least likely musicians Dave Matthews has made music with over the years.

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Miley Cyrus Wants to Corrupt Ariana Grande

Photo by Sayre Berman
Ariana Grande is in trouble, guys. Apparently professional controversy microwave, Miley Cyrus, wants to corrupt the cutest little thing to ever come out of Boca.

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Hate Music and Pan con Lechón-Eating, Pembroke Pines Neo-Nazis

Maybe if it said "ENGLISH ONLY, PLEASE"

Regardless of what rumors you've heard, or the excessive and rather inane coverage we give inconsequential humans like the Kardashians, the Wests (and their upcoming hybrid model) and the Biebers of the world; your Broward/Palm Beach New Times has always thought of its readership first and foremost. We strive to provide a voice and a line of interest for the local reader who deserves better than our mainstream counterparts. While we can't cover everything, at times, we try to make amends.

See also:
- Clarity in Neo-Nazi Stabbings at Ritz
- The Forgetters - The Talent Farm, Pembroke Pines - January 7

Imagine the eye-opener suffered by this County Grind correspondent this past Monday while on route to the Forgetters show in west Pembroke Pines, when he realized that the sonic needs and necessities of the White Power community here in Broward County had been ignored for so long?! Especially those armed with a pen, a buttload of ignorant hatred, and with a taste for delicious pan con lechón, cascos de guayaba con queso crema, and fritas.

And to think! These constituents of ours are forced by ethnic expansion to shop at Sedano's! That's right, the image above was taken inside the men's room of the Pines Boulevard store. We'd like to set the record straight, and do so with music.

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Musical Message to Gay-Hating Ugandan Politicians

Homegirl looks like a straight-up dyke

Oh man, this one's been going on slightly unchecked since 2008, and it just keeps getting more stunning! Recently, Rebecca Kadaga, the current speaker of parliament in Uganda, declared that the her country's Anti-Homosexuality bill, better known as the "Kill Gays Bill" will pass as a Christmas "gift" to the Ugandan people. Whoa! This is progressive thinking, my friends, straight out of the Idi Amin school of thought!

See also:
Songs About Setting Spanish Bulls on Fire, or Something Like That

Of course, there's some extreme backpedaling and spinning coming out of the Ugandan government with some super convoluted explanations concerning how the bill is meant to take effect, but this is the same country that just a couple of years ago printed the names and addresses of suspected (suspected!) homosexuals. There's a petition going against the bill that you can sign here.

Now let's be the first to say what we know is on your mind: This is so fucking assbackwards! We are first and foremost, a music blog, so we present the Ugandan people with the alternative Christmas gift of openly gay musicians, so that a little music in their hearts may soften their stance on the issue.

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Songs About Setting Spanish Bulls on Fire, or Something Like That

This guy is not having a good day
We all know how different cultures have some downright kooky festivals and traditions. And while we'd like to roll out a whole list of them within these pages, we've been advised by the legal department against "mocking" and "belittling" others whose "customs" we "don't understand/appreciate."

Not only do we not want to piss that department off to begin with, some of us don't get paid enough. Regardless, we couldn't pass up on this petition against the tradition of setting live bulls on fire during the fire festival of Soria in Castilla y Léon in North Central Spain. 

 Received via e-mail from a coworker I have to admit that my first reaction was to chuckle out loud because, the poor animal's feelings aside, that sounds like some funny shit. Now, we (me) don't condone the setting of live animals on fire, that seems a little excessive but again, what do we know about their rituals? However, we can think of other ways of torturing bulls: through song!
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Primus Brings Primus in 3-D to the Fillmore Miami Beach on August 3

Stoners, '90s aggro-hippies, and jam-band enthusiasts salivate as the low-end bass plunge of Les Claypool takes its rumbling presence amid the auditorium. The pinched, nasally vocals and quirky, proto nu-metal grooves are executed with a somewhat incomparable ferocity. Primus, the band to which we refer, is bringing the full Primus experience to the Fillmore Miami Beach on August 3 with 3-D. Yeah, we said it: three-dee!

It's a difficult task to objectively figure out whether Primus is a "good band," but the visceral responses are inarguable and embarrassingly entertaining. Now fans of psychedelic, groove-infused commentary have a new reason to sell off their resin-packed bubblers, packed away somewhere in a sock, on Craigslist. Primus, creators of hits like "Wynona's Big Brown Beaver" (featured yesterday on our evergreen list of songs about, well, beavers), are at the helm of a this new sort of live concert experience.

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Is It Wrong to Love the Music of Jennifer Lopez and Enrique Iglesias and Be Psyched About Their Tour?


Is it wrong to love the music of Jennifer Lopez or that of Enrique Iglesias? Maybe. But is their music as obnoxiously addictive as cupcakes were popular in the early aughts? Yes, and just as delicious and somehow just as gross as that strangely popular phase in American culinary history. 

Both Enrique Iglesias and Jennifer Lopez may have aged in a way that makes their flesh appear to be made of plastic, but over the years, they have made music that is catchier than HPV. Lopez is involved in about a thousand projects, including "designing" clothing (still a bad idea), starring in What to Expect When You're Expecting, putting out an upcoming Vegas-based musical competition, sitting in on American Idol, and dating a man she could have birthed. Iglesias, well, he's up to talking about his junk in front of large audiences. We're not complaining. 

Lopez's Puerto Rican power and Iglesias' Spanish spunk have joined forced to get the pelvises thrusting for a 16-city tour that will start July 14 and end at the American Airlines Arena in Miami on August 31. 

Let's talk about why it's totally OK to get weird in front of your mirror and listen to some of these two cheesers' music. But, before you press play on any of the following videos, know that these songs will not leave your ears for many, many, many days. They will slap your ears, flip them up, and rub them down. They'll be fucking you tonight.

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Eight Pleasantly Plump Female Musicians We'd Like to Get Down With

Categories: Is It Wrong?
Sarcasm doesn't always come across in writing, and it certainly didn't in this post. I get why commenters below called this "the most insulting thing on the Internet," and that's why it has been removed. New Times regrets the offense we've caused and hopes you'll stick with us in our next attempt at sarcasm. -- Eric Barton

Is It Wrong to Like Counting Crows?

Categories: Is It Wrong?
Wikimedia Commons
Still got the hair, but where's the poetry?
Editor's note: Is It Wrong is a therapeutic column examining feelings we have about music that just aren't quite right. To ease any discomfort, County Grind will explore these emotions and thoughts, breaking down from whence our feelings of guilt, disgust, and shame arise. And, as they say, even a broken clock is right twice a day.

This is not about Adam Duritz's dreads or his wailing through "Mr. Jones." I never cared for the  Counting Crows' habit of mangling their songs when performing live. No, I love them because I used the lyrics to "Round Here" for a poetry assignment in seventh-grade English.

Round here, we talk just like lions/But we sacrifice like lambs/Round here, she's slipping though my hands.

The nonsensical simile, the angst, the earnest strumming! It still makes the 13-year-old in me swoon.

August and Everything After was an album that moved mountains of emotionalMore »

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