Top 10 Workout Songs for Burning Holiday Calories

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Olivia Newton John is gonna help you work off that third helping of Thanksgiving stuffing. 
This holiday season, we ate it all: The turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potato mash, cornbread casserole, sausage and peas, stuffing, brussel sprouts, and itsy bitsy little dinner rolls toasted and smeared with lotsa butter. 

We scarfed every gingerbread cookie in sight and compulsively sucked on candy canes. 

We excused ourselves from Midnight Mass to chug egg nog and pass out in an alley behind the church. 

And we plan to spend New Year's Eve looking at our space phone in a Chinese buffet. 

What we're getting at is that once 2013 is here and life goes back to the peak of droll mundanity, it's gonna be time to put down the pie and pick up the dumbbell. Here are the 10 best songs to help burn some of those seasonal extra calories. 
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Five Floridians We'd Like to See Perform in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

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Chongalicious float, anyone? 

Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is an instantly recognizable train wreck, heralding the coming end of year festivities. As usual, we do not like to single out religious celebrations in lieu of having to list them all and possibly offend those we might accidentally leave out, so we'll err on the side of Seinfeld and assume Festivus really is for all of us.

Regardless of which, the parade proper is fun for the family and features iconic and beloved characters in a helium-inflated format, because nothing says "good time" like balloons and floats filled with artists lip-synching their amazing hits! 

This year's Parade features artists we dig like Flo Rida and Chris Isaak (who are certainly great pals in real life) as well as Jimmy Fallon and the Roots (we had no idea he pulled a Diana Ross on them cats), the Wanted, Karmin, Neon Trees, and Carly Rae Jepsen, among many others.

We, of course, would prefer to see a heavier Floridian representation within the proceedings, and thus offer the following stand-in choices. 


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Have Yourself a Merry Little Punk Rock Christmas!

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Ah! The Holidays are upon us, again, and nothing makes me feel more at ease during this hectic season than cheery songs full of goodwill messages and warm, huggy feelings! It's true! Nothing makes the Holidays better than traditional songs sung around the fire in the company of family and good friends. While there might be some great holiday tracks you can take to the streets in the finest of your Victorian dress, my family prefers some less traditional fare with modern twists. You can rest assured we'll be singing these come Noche Buena over the crackling skin of pork in the Caja China! So from my family to yours, have yourselves a merry little punk rock Christmas!

Nothing says family better than this little ditty by my favorite all-Jewish rock and roll ensemble, The Ramones!

The Ramones - "Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight)


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Your Holiday Guide to Santa Claus, Jerry Garcia-Claus, and Other Magic

Categories: Holiday Obscura
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Grateful Dead
As real as you

​​As of yet, there has been no verified reincarnation of Jerry Garcia on this planet. That means that he may very well still be swirling free in the cosmos, perfectly able to work magic wherever and whenever he pleases. He was pretty much the psychedelic Santa while embodied, and now we're thinking he is only more-so without the physical constraints of humanness. Indeed, the more we think about it, stoned, the more likely it seems that Jerry and Santa are looking into each other's twinkling eyes at this very moment, imagining the gifts they will bestow upon us this holiday season.

For those of you who are not blinded by the assertions of low-vibration individuals who claim that Jerry, Santa, and magic are all fictitious, and who may be curious as to what sorts other-dimensional characters you may be in the presence of this holiday season, County Grind would like to offer a brief list of indicators and pointers to help you identify some of the mysterious phenomenon you may observe, and respond appropriately. Having this guide in your shirt pocket makes you the equivalent of a psychedelic bird watcher. Though, you'll have to come up with your own 5D binoculars.

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Scott Stapp Sings "White Christmas" at Delray Beach Christmas-Tree Lighting

Categories: Holiday Obscura
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The Stapp Family's 2010 Christmas card.
The City of Delray Beach's holiday festivities had a surprising postgrunge potency Thursday evening as Creed lead singer took the stage to sing Irving Berlin's "White Christmas." Popularized by Bing Crosby, the 70-year-old song has been past through the hands of countless musicians since, including Elvis Presley, the Supremes, Bob Marley, the New Kids on the Block, and Lady Gaga.

"I wanted to come rock with you guys," Stapp, dressed in a jacket and cap, said in a brief introduction. Although the picture quality of the video isn't great, it's clear right away whom we're dealing with.

Backed only by an acoustic guitar, he put his own stamp on the holiday classic immediately. Whereas some of the artists in the past have chosen melisma-rich swoops on the "I'm" beginning each stanza, the singer sped up the tune a bit and delivered his notes with some punch closer to Bruce Springsteen's take on "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." 

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Ten Best Holiday Songs You Won't Hear in Starbucks

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Beck wants robots to celebrate the holidays too.
So it's that time of year again; tacky decorations abound, people in malls start to get that panicked look in their eyes, and every grocery store, gas station, and Starbucks blasts the same, tired old holiday songs (which is the most likely culprit for the season's elevated suicide rates). Because we love you, we compiled a list of the best alternative holiday songs. Some are thoughtful and eloquent, some are lovably tacky, but all were chosen because they embody the true spirit of the holidays. Pour yourself a Santa-sized glass of eggnog (that means... don't skimp on the bourbon!) and cuddle up close to your Yuletide computer screen; this is our holiday gift to you.


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Radio-Active Records Launches Fashionable T-Shirt Line

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One way to have a twisted Christmas.
No, County Grind is not a consistent source of couture commentary, but everyone needs a clean T-shirt or a ready-made gift idea from time to time. Since this one comes courtesy of a brick-and-mortar music purveyor, we'll bite. Add that Radio-Active Records' line of T's is not emblazoned with the store's name (unlike this blog posting) and there's something borderline subversive going on here.

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Video: The Walkmen Cover Lindsey Buckingham's "Holiday Road"

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Rivaling "Christmas Party," we applaud the Walkmen's choice to revamp Lindsey Buckingham's infectious solo single "Holiday Road" -- probably best-known for its nonseasonal association with Chevy Chase. Yes, the track took off with its placement in National Lampoon's Vacation, and all of its sequels -- except Christmas Vacation, interestingly. The fellas are unsurprisingly comfortable working through the rockabilly changes for the AV Club's Holiday Undercover promo.

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Insane Clown Posse's Foul-Mouthed Holiday Toy Drive

Categories: Holiday Obscura
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Following Vanilla Ice's ode to Halloween (and himself) featuring Insane Clown Posse's Violent J and knowing his propensity for holiday cheer, which manifests in his December 11 at Feelgoods in West Palm Beach, it's not a stretch to think he's in favor of this slightly twisted push to help the needy.

MTV reports that the Insane Clown Posse has put out a hilariously crass video hosted by Sweet Sugar Slam outlining the hardships of the holidays ("Did you know the suicide rate more than doubles this time of year? Yes, it does, bitch."), and our Juggalo offspring need "shit like extra-expensive super Wiis" and "nucular [sic] Nerf guns." Please view, and then go do your fucking charitable part.

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Five Steps for Turkey Day Excess Recovery, Via Song

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Even Echobelly's Sonya Madan knows you ate too much.
In 1941, President Franklin D. Roosevelt, made Thanksgiving a national holiday -- a day when we could pay tribute to everything we had: family, friends, a good harvest. A great deal of us will spend Turkey Day recuperating from the prior evening's hangover -- due to the unencumbering liberation one often feels when the prospect of a four-day weekend comes on -- or devoting the entire afternoon to absolute gluttony, gouging ourselves with obscene platefuls of turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie, and all the fixings.

New Times urges Americans not to lose sight of our founding fathers' vision and encourages a day of overindulging with loved ones. Because, is there anything more American than putting away ten pounds of fowl in one sitting? Overeating is good for the economy, folks. With this in mind, we've devised this handy list of five songs that can be an excellent step-by-step companion to coming back from holiday excess.



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