|Wipe those grins off your stupid faces, ya shmucks!|
Every year, Ultra Music Festival features curveball additions to the lineup that contrast greatly to the vociferous beatfreaking that dominates the event. Kraftwerk, New Order, the Black Eyed Peas, and Crystal Castles are all examples of the weekend's deviation from the deep-house/electro/dubstep axis.
Normally, we applaud diversity. We don't give half a shit about the Black Eyed Peas, but, yeah, we guess it's neat they got to play on the same lineup as David Guetta.
However, the mere suggestion of the presence of ecstatic-and-adorable twee-on-crank duo Matt and Kim on the Ultra lineup offends our most core principles as not only music critics and fans but as a human fucking beings who are just trying to live, goddamn it.
No one should be smiling that much, unless they've been railing so much ketamine that they look like a cross of Cheech, Chong, and Jack Nicholson's portrayal of Batman villain the Joker.
This pair is soft. Weak. Corny. And we have five other acts we think would be substantially better additions to the lineup.