Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber's Breakdown: A Freudian Psychosexual Analysis

Did Selena Gomez keep Bieber's wild side in check.
Shortly before 1 a.m. PST today, TMZ reported the late-breaking story that -- brace yourself -- Justin Bieber's recent extended mad blunted mental breakdown is, if you can believe it, almost directly related to his recent breakup with Selena Gomez.

And upon reading this digitally rendered revelation regarding millionaire Millennials and who they're sexting, we couldn't help but think of when social theorist Hannah Arendt, in the course of writing about the Nuremberg Trials, declared, "No shit, Sherlock!"

Plus, Timz (think about it) totally blew the opportunity for some actually hard-hitting Freudian-style (as in, penis-obsessed) psychosexual analysis.

But, hey. That's why County Grind is here. More »

Chris Brown's Latest Douche Move Caught on Film; Watch Breezy Bitch About $10 Parking

Chris Brown: Whattadouche!!!!
Normally, this kind of pop-cultural-detritus "news" story -- one that hinges on the tragic frequency with which some spoon-fed monomaniacal pop star acts like an ass-hat -- is preceded by a reiteration of all the other times John Doe Douchebag has done whatever deplorable thing he does over and over.

If this were a post about Bluntin', excuse us, Justin Bieber, and the recent revelation that he is struggling with a brutal, life-threatening addiction to cannabis, then we would open with a short summary of the various ways in which Prince Puberty 2013 has dropped out of life with a bong in his hand.

But it would be completely impossible to list every instance in which Chris Brown has acted a fool, pulled some chump shit, or made a serious douche move. More »

Matt & Kim Suck! Five Acts We Would Rather See at Ultra 2013

Wipe those grins off your stupid faces, ya shmucks!
Every year, Ultra Music Festival features curveball additions to the lineup that contrast greatly to the vociferous beatfreaking that dominates the event. Kraftwerk, New Order, the Black Eyed Peas, and Crystal Castles are all examples of the weekend's deviation from the deep-house/electro/dubstep axis.

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Normally, we applaud diversity. We don't give half a shit about the Black Eyed Peas, but, yeah, we guess it's neat they got to play on the same lineup as David Guetta.

However, the mere suggestion of the presence of ecstatic-and-adorable twee-on-crank duo Matt and Kim on the Ultra lineup offends our most core principles as not only music critics and fans but as a human fucking beings who are just trying to live, goddamn it.

No one should be smiling that much, unless they've been railing so much ketamine that they look like a cross of Cheech, Chong, and Jack Nicholson's portrayal of Batman villain the Joker.

This pair is soft. Weak. Corny. And we have five other acts we think would be substantially better additions to the lineup.

More »

Odd Future Fan Gets Ass Kicked Onstage During Concert; Did He Deserve It?

Fans beware: Odd Future might beat the shit out of you.
Just when you finally thought the attention-addicted swag brats of Odd Future had finally loosened their vise-like grip on pop-culture consciousness, the young rap crew is yielding pageviews like never before.

Their latest stunt?

They kicked the living hell out of a 17-year-old fan, onstage, in the middle of performing.

After the cut, check out a video of the beatdown and let us know if you think this jabroni had it coming.
More »

Justin Bieber's Hamster Hijinks Lands Degenerate Pop Star in Hot Water with Hippies

The California Hamster Association is going after Justin Bieber.
Sure, Miley Cyrus has been two-hand-clutching a ho's big booty like an artisanal baker kneading dough for a homemade loaf.

But -- if you ask us -- the real "Pop Star Turns Degenerate" story of 2012 centers around the one and only Justin Bieber.

Ever since Biebz broke Selena Gomez's heart, the barely legal heartthrob has plummeted like a barrel down Niagra Falls into a salacious downward spiral of sin that has included supermodels and run-ins with the Fuzz

But none of that could have prepared anyone -- Biebz, his fanbase, the bottom-feeding-blogosphere -- for the latest scandal involving the singer, a young female friend, and the California Hamster Association. More »

Lindsay Lohan Arrested for Brawling! Did Justin Bieber Convince Her to Smack-a-Bitch?

Hours before she whacked-a-ho, Lindsay Lohan caught a mean case of Bieber Fever. 
Did ya hear about Lindsay Lohan sticking some trick from West Palm Beach in the face at a swanky New York City nightclub?

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No joke. La Lohan flew like a rabid flying squirrel and stung like a fucking scorpion when her demands for the alleged victim to give the drama-addicted celebutante some space were ignored. 

Now, we expect this kind of shit from LiLo. Girl has been straight trippin' since, like, The Parent Trap

So the initial news that the already-on-probation Lindsay had somehow added more heat to her already rolling boil legal situation barely motivates us to click ahead after the jump to read more. 

But the plot thickens (or does it sicken?!?) when you factor in the influence of the one and only Justin "Bad 2 Da Bone" Bieber.

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Six Drugs That Britney Spears Could Have Hypothetically Taken During Her Head-Shaving Meltdown

Was Britney on Meth? 
Five years after YouTube shriek freak Chris Crocker implored the world to "Leave Britney alone," the pop music megastar's former manager isn't getting the hint.

For one reason or another, Sam Lufti just won't shut the fuck up about alleged drug use Spears partook in during the mid-2000s, when she just couldn't seem to free herself of the searing tabloid spotlight.

First it was prescription upper Adderral. But now Lufti is adamant on proving to the world once and for all that Britney Spears was recreationally smoking crystal methamphetamine.

County Grind has no idea if the accusations or true, and we don't care. We're too busy drafting a list of all the other illicit substances that could have contributed to pop culture's best meltdown of the 2000s.

More »

Raggy Monster on Eating Joggers, Bow Wow Wow, and Filming Their New Zombie Video at Speakeasy Lounge

Saturday night marked yet another Moonfest, Clematis Street's annual Halloween free-for-all. For the first time in the event's 20 year history, there was a cover fee, but luckily that resulted in a safety facelift and solid lineup of local acts, not a lack of bodies and boredom.

On the hunt for the cleanest place to pee, New Times made a break for Longboards and ran into West Palm Beach band Raggy Monster's lead vocalists, Billy Schmidt and Rachel Duvall. With a big gig and video shoot coming up next weekend, it was the perfect time for a little chat.

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Justin Timberlake Mocks Homeless People at His Wedding and The 5 Unfortunate Souls He Should Laugh at Next

Homeless Eddie was paid $40 to appear in JT+JB's mean-spirited wedding video.
Not entirely sure what LOLing about homeless people has to do with getting married but, uh, pop sensation Justin Timberlake and actress Jessica Biel are in hot shit after a video was screened during their wedding reception that did exactly that.

According to TMZ, the video's creators paid homeless people and prostitutes to appear in the video as part of a gag that implied those featured were friends of the newlyweds.

Uh, Haha?

Here are five more poor unfortunate souls Justin Timberlake should shit all over in the name of humor.
More »

Nelly's Tour Bus Drug Bust: How Much Heroin Is in "36 Small Bags"?

The internet has been straight-up shitting its already caked pantaloons over the latest Texas tour-bus drug bust, this time featuring rapper/actor Nelly.

See also:
- Nelly and Crew Busted in Texas With 36 Bags of Heroin, Ten Pounds of Weed, and a Loaded Gun

The twist? Alongside the usual firearms (a loaded .45 caliber pistol) and giant bags of weed (ten pounds!), police also found -- gulp -- "36 small bags of heroin." 

Our first instinct was to compose a list of what Nelly could have spent his money on instead of all that boy.

But County Grind don't dabble with dope. Aside from the occasional breakfast-time whippit, we are substance-free. So to complete our calculations, we turned to an expert to figure out just how much black tar this tour bus was carrying. 
More »

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